a drEam, a mYth, a beliEf

Perfect bdae

2008-10-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

Perfect bdae

Haha

For once im not going to neglect the posting for blog on my 21^st bdae coz there is a lot of things to be reflected upon.. Like my current goals in life, future plans and of coz my love life n family.

My bdae celebration took place on the 11 oct which is a Saturday and I have frens coming to the bbq.

Thank you shufen for comin and it means a lot to me..

Thank u shan mabel san yk jc and all those who shared the spa vouncher.. it is relli wad I wanted.. haha.. (n to tnk I tot mabel was hitting on my bf tt time at jc chalet)

Thank you to jun min Samuel Sharon all.. I miss Sharon a lot a lot..

Thank you Kenneth chun yan all for coming

Thank you poly frens nasir chun leong n especially Candice my aiai!!

Thank you sigma Aldrich for taking time to come n getting my pressie

Thank you guo jun for being my photographer

Thank you Kevin and zhen long for helping me to get started with the bbq

Thank you sister n jie fu, bro n dao sa and papa mama

Thank you cousins’ n aunties for coming

Haha

So many thank you

This yr bdae I got mostly wad I desired,, like burberry perfume and burberry blue label wallet, lesport bags and mama mia sound track..

A lot of accessories and make up n spa voucher all,

Flowers and cards and ang paos..

But the person I deeply wanna thank is my dear dear Tan Yi Ren., haha,, funny how our relationship took off and now we r heading easily to our 6 months.. yest I stayed at his hse.. at night when he prepared a surprise for me tt make me cry,,

Haha .. silly me.. but I was so touched. He relli did put in a lot of effort.. yest he bought me flower and those r the most beautiful flowers I received on my bdae.. it was tulips..he did a enormous card stating 101 reasons y I make he smile..

Haha.. though it’s me whu asked him to write but I didn’t expect him to do it so artistically on the card with purchase from art n craft shop ‘made with love’. He booked tickets to Singapore flyer and it wss simply the most romantic evening.. we had our dinner at japeno pepper with a splendid view of the open waters and the lights of the IR construction.. den we r so fortunate to go up the flyer in the private capsule with only the 2 of us.. haha,., it was relli great.. I felt so relaxed and so happy..

There was a full moon last night..

At his hse.. he surprise me with oreo cheesecake made by him early in the morning..

He is the first person to wish me 21^st and the first to c the 21 yr old cynz.

When I went hm in the morning, surprisingly my parents no longer scolds me for nt coming back home but they were wishing me warmly on the 21^st bdae instead..

Seems like they have already accepted Darren and treats him like family members.

I tink they no longer object to me staying over at darren’s hse..

Same goes.. I noe nothing abt how dear’s family feels abt me but he had once again assured me in the morning tt they like me and treats me as one of their own.. but I told dear tt im afraid of his family coz they loved him so much tt I was afraid tt they would hate me if I hurt him..

Its funny how our relationship progress and escalate tot the plateau and sometimes we think abt our future unexpectedly..

Sometimes I am bad tempered and I create a nuisance but he understood tt I juz wanted attention and he is so patient with me… I am juz afraid tt once day his patient would run out and he would leave me… if that day was to come… I will be crushed and left with nothing..

There r so many moments tt we had spend with our first experience tgt.. like I was the first ger he make a cake for,,

As for my goals in life.. im still hangin loose.. will arrange for an opinion of an mature individual soon.

Im meeting Chris later.. Maybe will get to c my dear after tt too. Tml is my day back at work.. abit nervous.. haha

I enjoyed my break thoroughly. Yest a thought occurred to me..if I get to get on a plane with my dear the experience will be great!!

Haha.. Missing my boi boi so deeply..

sOmetiMes wHen we tOuch

2008-05-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

tml im gOing sentosa.. haha
i haf to admit.. i haf been a hermit ever since i haf gotten the sore eye.. but now im oke le.. its time to party ger.. lol
i wanna thank him for stayin with my every single dae when im ill.. to be by my side after his work.. sendin me hm coz i cant c properly.. asking me to put eye drop every half hour as the doc instructs,.. n most of all,.. to endure with this ugly ger with specs n terrible temper cuz im ill..

its the first time i felt the strong burnin intense of chemistry when we touched.. its like.. woah.. tis time round i gt to make it right.. i juz wanna stay his ger throughout..

sometimes i dun understand.. y like a plain ger like me.. i c the gers checkin him out when im wit him.. n he not even a glance to them.. i juz cynz.. a geek with specs and a weird character.. i carry a bk wherever i go.. humm.. true to say.. i find him hot...
haha

i rem the time when i went to his hse n he cook for the.. cheesy salmon and minestrone soup.. haha
it was delicious.. i rem the times we went ice skating.. bowling.. cycling and roller bladin.. he is soneone in tune with me so much tt i wonder out loud to God above how someone can actually be so perfect..
haha
nt to worri.. im nt crazy.. he has faults too.. juz tt i am able to accept him juz like the way he accepted me..

he got me a ring.. spared no expense.. german steel and laser craved.. somethin so special..

initially i did nt relli tot i will cared so much abt him.. but he did so so much for me.. waiting for me to sleep every nite b4 turning in to rest.. naggin at me to drink water coz i always fergets..
i asked him.. whether if he is always so nice to all his ex gfs or juz nice to me.. he said he treated them all the same.. i am his no 6 and he is my 6th as well.

ger get a grip of urself.. u r crazy.. i tot of movin in with him.. haha.. dream on.. my parents will nv allow me,..

i wished time like tis will nv end.. he meets me everydae.. no matter where i am.. he will send me hm.. tis is enuff..

degenerating mind__ turning freak

2008-05-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

freaking pissed.//i simply dun understand y they dun understand
idiots.. moron.. spastic parental guiDAnce
the fact i dun go to work is coz of my eyes.. they r red.. swollen and the doc was pretty concern as well// she asked me if i wanna be referred to a specialist.. n u noe wat my pa rents asked me?

;y u didnt gO to work todae?' in ACCuSINg tone
'r u missing from work too much?'
'do u nOe u dun earn money when u work?"

what the hell.. am i suck a lazy bum they tink they bred? i used to work 7 daes a week.. for goodness sake..

im the last person they should point a acussing finger to!!

what happens when they get sick/?? i asked them if they r ok? wan me to acc them c a doc? n i ALWAYS ALWAYS gave them money to c doc..

a few hundred at a time.. coz i wan them to recover fast.. n wan they to spare no tots to monetary matters as i will take care of tt..
n this is wat i get from them?
doo i call my own parents INGRATe?
maybe leavin home wunt be the only time after all.. i wanna leave them.. i hate to soften when i c them.. to look at the age lines n feel so much love for them.. i hurt after all.. dun they noe tt?
to c mommy move ard so uncomfortably.. to c papa havin difficulty when his leg got prob..
i hate that.. i hate to feel so responsible.. yet what do i get?
was concern over my health impt to them at any point?

they dun rem how old i am.. they dunno when im sad, happy?
they dun even noe wat im thinkin abt/? they dun they dun they dun.. gosh..
im not complainin am i/?? they r my own parents after all.. y am i facing such conflictin feelingS?
it is difficult.. when i tink of it.. n i realise.. they care n concern tt i wish i haf are all a dream i made up/.. a dream tt nv came true..

im hurt.. im cryin with my swollen eye.. will i go blind?
y dun i care??

ppl ard me.. my frens all.. at least they care..
my sis cares/..
darren cares..

i am only.. half lucky..

damn my unfulfiled life,,..

sat mahjong i lost!!

2008-02-17T12:16:00.000-08:00

i cant slp!! i got a freakin headache n rashes
ahould be the alcohol n steamboat at min hse on sat
but it was worth it i guess.. we had so much fun even though i lost 10 bucks playin mahjong.. min's parents were simply so nice n fun!! his papa cooks n makes a perfect mocktail blend
actually i was quite surprise as min nv invites ppl to his hse.. i haf known him fer 5 yrs n even though we r great frens.. he nv actually ask me go up his hse visit b4.. the same goes to all his frens he had known fer many yrs.. i admit im quite happy as this shows tt he is gettin to be more open and is positive to all the emotional wound he suffered previously..
he going brunei soon.. omG.. for 3 weeks.. my life is abit empty without him ba.. he is always ther fer me when i need him.. i believe tt he genuinely cares fer me..
our friendship endured even thoug im wileful and stubboen at times.. im nt a ger whu can gives i admit.. n he had always been the giver.. givin all in the friendship
i wanna sae i sincerely appreciates him..

bloggin when i should be sleeping

2008-02-15T11:49:00.000-08:00

he obviously hates me..
i felt so guilty in wat i had done..
However, i cant hide things from him forever, its onli fair to him tt i let him noe..
he dun understand wad im going thru..
i hope one dae he will.. n lives will go on normally from there..

todae i went to watch jumper.. omG.. it was so nice!! im so jealous of the person's abilty to teleport to anywhere else in the world..
he has no cares and he lead a wonderful life.. i always wanted to get out of sg too!! when i find a place to settle i will migrate.. com'on.. if u wanna haf a dream.. u might as well dream BIG!
tml im going for facial den at night going my fren hse for a gathering.. my precious weekend is so filled up..

ine thing guo jun dun understand is.. Reeves is jealous of him at tt time.. he asked me to stayed wit him.. n i did attempted to leave him 2 times... within a mth 2 times is alot.. but he was v insistent he even asked me to marry him.. i guess a was naive n stupid den to stay with him..
the reason he break up wit me was obvious as well.. which guy wanna date someone whu is attached.. everythin they do is in the shadows.. when he left me, he said tt he was simply guilty.. he did nt wan a relationship like tt.. at tt time even though his ex came back to him he was skeptical as he was unsure of what to do..

i met up with him recently.. in fact he asked me to be with him.. til the moment i leave sg fer aussie.. i told him i will nv be his... but i will be there when he need my help.. tis is the promise i hold true to all my ex..

right at this moment im closest to my ex colleage alvin ba.. he actually understands wad im going thru even he does nt share thinkin wit him.. the diff wit him n guo jun is, he actually listens to me..

nahz dun worri.. there is no chemistry between us.. juz like me n samuel.. pure frens.. yet we cared alot abt each other den normal frens coz we help each other when they r at their weakest..
i was there for sam when he cried over a ger.. i was there when alvin break up wit his ex.. my presence may seems insignificant but the slightest concern to them cud mean a whole lot more.. juz like alvin is helpin me now..

Darren did asked me out todae... i turned him down.. i simply cannot face him at tis moment.. i feel pressurised.. i tink he will pop the question askin me to be his ger even though i turned him down b4.. but i was attached den..
yest was v dae.. i rejected dates,.. i went hm instead.. it was then he msg me.. he seemed so disappointed in me.. boi im relli sorri.. i didnt noe wad came over me then.. it's juz tt i felt so alone i guess.. u were not ard.. maybe a single mistake means everythin to him.. all thoes suitors i turned down coz of him simply doesnt count..
the fact tt i even tone down my guy frens.. sacrifice all my sat for him doesnt count.. i worked 85% of my life.. not a moment is wasted but coz of him i cleared one full sat for him.. i lived a tough life.. dun u see?

i didnt expect myself to be appreciated but i dun understand y he condemned me so much.. i noe he feel hurt but i do feel hurt too.. countless times.. especially the time when i sat beside him on the bus n i cried but he didnt even know tt im cryin.. it seems like even though i am beside him, his mind drift a thousand miles apart.. n trust me.. there r potential suitors with better qualities but i turned them down too..
reeves was coz he is v stubborn being the only son in the family n was v persistent in havin me as his ger..

plus, reeves is nt the reason y i break up wit him.. it wasnt even part of the reason.. he said he cry every night when he sleep.. at least he did sleep.. does he realise i cant? the agony of going thru everydae without sleep n workin long hours..
i cant sleep.. the medication i took is too strong.. the effect is like alcohol.. it makes my heart beat v fast, temp goes up and hypertension occurs.. i haf been thru hell.. by myself..
i ran away from my family is coz they dun understand either.. guys.. juz becoz i LOOK alrite doesnt mean tt i am.. the whole nite i lie down on bed in fear of death.. my chest was hurtin so much den.. i cried,.. but i nv went to slp.. i simply cant..

we should juz get on with our lives, shouldnt we?

he said he might go US, i onli wished him all the best.. he will succeed.. for i noe every bit of him.. i even nOe wad he is thinkin sometimes

omGG.. y is my blog revolving ard him..
i need to stop tt
cynz u r obsessed..

next mth i will stop my mind cafe work.. its too taxing to my health.. i need to get out in the sun more often.. get in touch wit my natural self..

maybe alvin will acc me.. i feel so comfortable wit him n my bunch of colleagus at work.. though they disturb me everydae callin me 'monster' n 'pu tao'.. i simply adore them.. they cheer me up so much in their own little ways..

after the movie jumper we went to sing.. stupid uncle wunt let me pay fer anythin.. movie tix, drink, cab fare all these..

next mth i will ne auntie cynz.. stupid frens keep sayin i cant look after small children.. humm.. wad if i could?? bleahz.. cynz will prove it to u!! i guess a gt a stubborn streak in me.. kevin nOes tt.. last time he confide to penny tt he tot v highly of the ger whom he saw as independent..

ash has been a wonderful support too.. *clap clap.
he was one person i nv feel shy abt askin for help n comfort.. coz he is a nice person and gave v good advice..

2008-02-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

empty~~

2008-02-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

it been awhile i guess..
i have broken up wit him.. this time round we r endin it forever. the chapter is finally completed.. the bk closed..
i did miss him.. the days i spent wit him.. tokin over silly stuff.. enjoyin the sun and of coz.. our lives are woven tighly ard each other...
i have been so silly.. wad ,makes me tink i can handle everythin? forgo-ing my love, my health n my family.. i overestimated myself.. im wore a steel mask. but in fact im susceptible to the gloom ard me.. i could haf died..
nOw i need to tell myself, calm down cynz.. tink resonably, wad had happened? wad had resulted in the decision u made.
when i was sick.. i was scared.. as in v scared.. i didnt noe wad will happen to me... as i haf a body tt is so healthy n strong.. i was nv vulnerable to that state..
after all.. the constriction in my chest woke me up from my slp.. i was contemplating if i should go to the hospital..
at that moment, I haf to admit im at my weakest.

I was in tears when I called him.. hardly being able to breath..
When he picked up the call, he was sleepy.. truly, it was fortunate tt I did manage to connect wit him on the line at all., coz usually he dun on the phone when he sleeps.. sometimes I dun understand y he didn’t tink of keeping his ohone by his side so ttt whatever happened to me, he can be the first to know.
The conversation we had was wad a even a fren will nt do.
He asked me if im okie.. asked me to breath deeply but pro-offer no more solution to tt even though I tot im on the brink of death.. death suddenly seemed likely n I was so scared tt I almost lost sanity..

He didn’t offer to come down straightaway even though he was at hm n a few hours away from work. Was he tryin to cut down of midnight fare?
I couldn’t take it anymore.. this relationship ha been strainin enuff.. I admit I wasn’t the best gf to haf when im wit him.. but If ever he is in need, I will go down straight to him at all cost..
I guess he did love me, but didn’t cherish the way a man should haf.. I was his bestfren, someone he loves n dotes a lot.. but his love didn’t extend to life n death cost.. maybe im too silly to realise tt as well. But I wanna ask, was I silly to expect tt?

I needed someone.. but I did realise tt person could nt haf been him..

A long time ago, I needed someone as well, im so thankfull tt nasir was ther.. he was my life support.. I couldn’t face the fact tt my mom was lying so sick on the bed tt she is nt even conscious,,.. he stayed wit me throughout night to take care of me.. I will nv ferget tt.. I was sick,, my familt drown their own sorrow.. was was probably to down to notice im sucidal.. actually I did needed ppl a lot.. juz tt the fact tt I appear to be strong diesnt cut ou the fact tt im a human after all.
Anyway, I was thankful to him.. I was so ugly at heart, at person at tt point of time.. onli he accepted e fer whu I was.. juz a girl.. a simple girl whu needs someone to protect from all the bad things in the universe..

I wunt sae guo jun is not a nice person.. he is in fact the sweetest guy a ger can haf,.. but right now.. I needed a man,.. not a boi.. I wanted someone whu noes how to handle a real n proper situation,,
I did love him.. otherwise I wouldn’t haf turn a blind eye to all that he didn’t do as a bf.. initially when we started out dating, we even faced the simple issue of him SENDin me hm.. tt not even pathetic, tts simply incorrigible.. but I noe tt im his first gf after all.. a lot of things he still need to learn..
I admit after the first time big quarrel we had.. when we almost break up.. it was coz a guy from the hockey team gave me a blow when we had a friendly match.. again I was streaming in tears when I called him.. his reaction at tat moment was simply, ‘ r u ok?’ and offer no more comfort.. he wasn’t even angry at that guy for hurtin me.. at tt moment I tot I could haf been raped, robbed n killed n he wunt feel a single thin I guess..
Anyway.. after that quarrel I refuse to kiss him.. even after the patch when we did kissed… it wasn’t even real anymore..
I gt to understand that fact tt when I no longer love tt person.. I simply cant feel anymore chemistry when im wit him..
Ya.. I removed the ring tt he gave me le.. at first I tot I will feel v sad if I did removed it.. but when I do.. it actually feel ok.. even felt better.. I haf finally removed the burden n obstacle I haf in my life I guess..

Im guilty..i did cheated on him a few months back.. I was wit reeves,, he was someone I met on tagged.. he is a playboy I guess,.. but nevertheless, I did feel protected and embraced when I was wit him..
I love the way I feel in his arms.. though I noe that he was juz toyin wit me.. I did love him in my own special way I tink..
I was stupid..

It was expected tt he end the relationship wit me as he wanted to go back to his ex.. shu was a hottie and she doesn’t mind fulfilling his urges fer sexual pleasure which is something which I will nv do.. firstly, I was still wit guo jun, secondly, im nt so stupid to give someone that dun love me my body.. call me conservative freak,,
But tts me I guess

Ppl asked me y I didn’t end up wit Darren,, after all he liked me fer so long.. tink ard 2.5 yrs le ba.. throughout my relationship wit guo jun, he adores me.. the reason is simple.. he is a splurge who has no regards of money and he does nt haf the capability to earn money,,
He is uneducated but a good n kind man at heart.. so I asked myself,, am I capable to spend the rest of my life wit someone like him.. the ans is no.. coz I dun wanna my bf or future husband to be of that status..
Though its nice tt he has always been there to boost my confidence when I tot tt I haf no one.. he was stil smitten by me..

Humm.. had there be anyone else. Nahz.. will there be new to come.. I dunno.. but I must admit tt I wunt be attached for a long time after all..

Cynz is simply nt a good person..
Do I deserve anyone?
I asked myself, how did I turn out to be like this,, I have the soul of a dastard.. someone who creates misery intentionally. I dream big.. yet im onli of this status.. will a ever achieve wad I wanted I nv noe.. but at the v least I dare to snap out of it..

I realise I cannot be wit guo jun after this incident. In fact he did manage to change me in small ways.. I was actually considering him as my future husband and I tot I could simple spend my life in the warmth of his glow forever.. juz being a simpleton..

Another reason of me leavin him was coz I dun wanna myself to be disappointed once more.. he is not wad a expected and I shouldn’t place such high expectation in him.. especially when im nt in the pink of my health.. wad if another attack occurs again n he didn’t come.. wouldn’t I be cryin more sadly.? He actually represent my failure as I haf chosen him to be my boi at tt moment n it wouldn’t haf been nice.

life sux

2007-06-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

hahaX

u nv imagine it.. but im BACK.. coz im bored i guess...
work sux, kena backstab.. wanted to find a new job, get away from all thoes snobbish ppl.. almost cried at work todae.. parents going to gentin.. gj going to shanghai.. guess im left all alone..

the pain i felt

2007-02-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

u noe, fallin in love is easy. its so easy to be filled up to the brim like a cup, to felt so hopeful that everythin is possible. to tink that u will nv hurt, to tink that someone eout there loves u as much as u do.
its so silly, im so wrong. my heart is tearing, hopes dashed. colours of life has come to an end. im hopeless.
he is a nice guy, juz not who i wan i guess, i should haf seen it comin, but i was stubborn to persist on. n this stupid mistake break my heart.
in his life, he sees it in the manner that there is him, but no us. he claims he loves me, yet desert me at my lonliest hour. whu am i to tink that he will care ant me the way i do abt him. of how i sees him as a little boy that needs me to be by his side. he took me for granted too much i guess. there is no future, or maybe im wrong, there is a future, but there is no US in it.
i cant say that i haf been someone perfect. but i tried to be as perfect as i can. i guess that is not enough either.
both of us are tired. y not end it??
i dunnoe.. i dunno y im still persisting, letting him tear my heart apart bit by bit. i tot he will noe, i tot he will understand, i tot he sees it comin, but he didnt. im not sayin he is insensitive, im juz sayin that i hide my emotions v well indeed. the old me would haf broken down long ago. i should haf let i go. i realli should... n maybe i will..

that;s life

2007-01-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

its been so long.. time passes quick.. sch is going to start again.. haiz..
yest i went to seoul garden to haf steamboat wit my klass.. hahax.. it was fun although only half turn up..before that i was shoppin.. on implse i bought two books.. eragon n eldest.. now i conclude tat kinokuniya staff duno a single thing.. here's wat happened

there was 2 copies of eragon which are exactly the same but there was a one dollar price difference.. so out of curiousity i went to ask the counter crew.. they refer me to the another department.. the ger from the department took the book from me scrintinized it for a very long time.. hen she was finally done examining the books.. she told me both r thesame.. yup of corse i asked y is there a difference in the price.. she look at me told me that the cheaper one is the british version.. den her colleague corrected her that it was the other way round n they started arguing in front of me.. i was astonished at their behaviour but i neeeded to seek further enquiry so i stayed n waited fot them to finish. i asked "so eldest is the add on series of eragon rite?" the same ger looked hard at me n smirked.. den she said"eragon is the 2nd version" by noe u guys can conclude that they are ignorant/? y will eragon come out as the movie first if it is the second version.. not satisfied i went to another counter to check n i found out that the ger is wrong.. after that, i went to pay.. the guys cant count n shortchange me two dollars.. oh my.. what is wrong wit the staff there/... weird

recently i went back deyi sec n although most of the teachers are not there.. i still manage to catch up wit mrs ng, mrs ang n ms shirley lee.. they cannot remember my name at first except for mrs ng.. hahax.. it was so funni to c them straining hard to connect me with the mousy little ger i was in sec one n two. they couldn't relli believe that i haf grown so much taller. there was a major change that took place when i was sec three.. i dunno what happened but by then i was more daring to speak out n haf fun.. maybe it was because that i knew jun min that bunch of ppl that brought out the worst in me.. hhaa.. but imj still grateful to them in any sense..

i find that maybe in guo jun life i dun relli mean alot of things.. in a way i noe that we r together.. yet somethin is driving us apart.. was it the ns? or was it the strain he felt between me and his family.. i dunno.. life used to be much more simpler then but i wonder y it felt so different now..

my friend ask me to prove somethin to him wit action.. i dunno whether to be angry or afraid.. i mean.. y stir up the provin action thingie when we haf nothin to prove that friendship exist? feeling kinda lost n afraid that i will lose a fren.. silly guy

im going to the dance concert on the 14th jan.. hoping that i will c the deyian that graduated wit me last time.. still remiscing those naugthy days where consequences was not considered.. i was much more daring then but i knew that boldness is an act of selfishness now..

when the princess falls alsleeps, she dreamt of possibilities.. a hope that life will be different and that way she wans it to be. she cherish the flicker of hope in her soul and she patiently waits.. it was more then a huundred years when she wakes.. it was an eternity instead.. was it life she faces when she wakes? nahz.. it was the death of hope, dreams n beliefs she saw.. she sobs at the harsh cruel reality.

dAnCing sHadOws

2006-11-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

the shadow cast in the sun was quiet.. inanimated.. dead...
at midnight, they come alive.. a glimsp of somethin dark ran past.. the figures that darted away in the mirror, the sensation of being watched.. are juz them.. the shadows u cast..
they watched, they waited, they whispers..

u lie alone in ur room in the dark.. u pull ur blanket up, tryin to keep out to cold, the feeling of being lost, the monsters in ur head.. as u begin to close ur eyes, they danced.

wild n free they danced, the rhythm of the night, the song of everwood.. the spun, they jump, they flee..

the night stand stills.. no words, no sounds, juz echos..

echos of their presence, the dance, the spell..

u finally falls asleep

+++* they danced for a purpose.. they do not feel joy n happiness, or sadness and anger.. they are beings of the dark.. their laughters a hollow sound, their cries filled with no emotions.. they exist because they haf to.. juz like we exist.. they longed to walk under the sun, to basked in Apollo's gloriousness.. the night is a gift granted from Artemis for a service they rendered.. but even she despises them as the lowest beings, for they are not allowed to come alive in her presence, but only in the darkest corners they will stay.. they are creatures not unlike rats, for they flee at the first sight of anythin that comes in light.. only the sick and the weak they dared to be seen.. they consume as the darkness engulfed them.

cOnSiStEnCy

2006-11-27T16:52:00.000-08:00

hihi... its been super long since i last log it.. guess i was too busy wit everythin..

u noe,.. for a relationship to stay so long it is realli difficult.. coz eventually u will noe that feeling towards the person changes.. sometimes the case happens when the other party no longer love u.. but cared deeply for u instead..

this kind of life im so tired.. the work pressure, hockey compettition n fyp and sch n tests n assignment.. plus relationship prob... how can i ever survive??

i saw someone i shouldn't c that night.. y did he appear? i dun understand.. all along from the first time we knew each other u were nv serious abt me.. who am i kidding? i was nv good enough for u.. n for that i noe that being wit u is impossible, i couldnt bear to look at u in the eye coz i was so afraid of being hurt again.. call me silly but the feelings n hope that somedae we will be together exist.. u r juz someone i will nv haf but i yearn for.. its hard to forget u..

i tot losing ur no was good enough a constant reminder of me forgettin u.. but now it seemed like i had no choice, for u enter n leave my life as though it is a hotel.. but u nv relaise that u r the only person i let in so easily. u asked me to stay that night, it was a hell lot for me to resist.. the only reason i left is becoz u nv asked me to stay.. n when u did, it was too late.. im scared.. im realli scared wat will i do or sae.. juz afraid.. u always make me feel afraid.. but nv as a whole person.

im wit someone now, n he cherish me.. he makes me feel complete.. he tries his best to be wit me.. though he didnt noe how to love me yet.. no matter wat, i will try to make the relationship works.. unless i felt that he realli do not haF the capability to love me one dae, i will leave... this is selfish i noe, but i am protectin myself.. i didnt wan to be alone again.. n i didnt wanna get hurt.. the pain is so great that no one can ease..

dear im sorri, i must confess that i am selfish.. i do not wan a relatioship whereby i will fall, or can fall.. i cared v deeply for u.. but i dunno whether its love, or will i ever love? im too scared to love someone.. coz eventually they leave.. one by one..

the hurt n pain i felt when my grandma passed away, my bro leavin me scarred me deeply.. n i juz dun wan.. nv wanted .. n will nv wan to be the party that will feel hurt..

i noe.. life isn't fair.

2006-08-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

2006-08-23T22:46:00.000-07:00

my new hair style

im okie

2006-07-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

guys, for those whu haf read my previous mail.. i guess i shud probably inform u all that im OKIE.. yyedd.. it's incredible isn't it? cynthia is alive... SHHE LIVED THRU IT!!

HAHA... dun worri k?? reali appreciate all ur concern.. dun worri.. it's not an sensitive issue n u guys can bring it up to me any moment...

anywasy, life is super stressfu; in sch though there is no examz... im on my FYP n im workin.. if u wanna catch up wit me sometimes, try to catch me on a weekdae..

luv havin frens.. life's great.. u guys take care huh.. hee

hurt

2006-06-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

i dun understand... y does he haf to go to camp? he realli dun care me le mahx?
y everytime i wanted to find him i cannot contact him. he nv knew how serious it is.. i feel distant from him. how many gf actually feel that way abt their bf. can u look him in the eye n not feel strange anymore. bink ur tears away when u feel this way. am i too demanding? do i wan a break in the relatioship? will it be better for me that i do away wit this thorn that is cuttin into my flesh? i love the rose.. but it is hurtin me.. so much.

dear i noe u did not hurt me intentionally, i noe it;s not ur fault. i noe that i am being unresonable. but y do i feel this way?
y the hurt didnt go away? im melting.. im going crazy soon. i tink i might lose the feeling i had for u.. y does this always happens when u r not beside me? i need to noe.. i need to clarify wit myself. i dun wanna hurt u.. dun wanna make u feel the hurt i feelin.. that y i brush the subject away. i say it doesnt matter.. but it does.. it does alot..

dear.. eventually i will leave u.. it may be now, or in the future.. and the max period is when u go ns. i cannot stand it'.. i need u by my side.. n if u r not, i fall.. dear, i lose everythin../ i cannot bear wit the thought of u being there onlu some times
i needed u to be there everytime, everydae of my life.

im disappointed.. im losing sleep.. im tearin up inside.. dun u noe that?
do u go to sleep everytime i said it;s okie, it's alright? cant u see the hurt in my eye? cant u detect the pain? y cant u hear? the rip that was so loud in my heart'"? the shattering of my glass heart? can u see? i died.. i died in front of u..

dear... i will try my best to luv u. but if the day comes when i haf to leave.. i dun wanna c u sad. i wan to pat me on the shoulder and wish me the best in my endless path. i dun wan u to forget me n the memories we share.. but i needed u to move on. we will nv noe wat may happen in the future. whu noes?

dear, n i needed u to noe. nv hurt a ger so much again.. c the fading of light n hope in her eyes.

Cynz, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Intense

2006-06-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

You're wound up and have a lot going on. Others may have trouble understanding what you're going through, but they generally find your intensity very compelling and are drawn to you. This happens even without effort on your part. Compared to others who are also intense, you
are unusually responsive to stressful situations that require coping. Only 1.3% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.
While this says a lot about you, there is much more to you than this. The 5-Factor IPIP Personality Test measures you on 30 unique personality traits, backed by over 70 years of personality research. This enables us to provide you with the most thorough, in-depth personality assessment available to you.

lovesick

2006-06-08T03:54:00.000-07:00

sumthin not right... he's not here with me.. Am i losin my mind? miss him like crazy

http://web.tickle.com/tests/musicmatch/index.jsp

2006-06-05T23:53:00.000-07:00

Cynz, your music match is a Hot Hip-Hopper

http://web.tickle.com/tests/goddess_identity/index.jsp

2006-05-29T00:34:00.000-07:00

Cynz, you're Pixie!
Like most beautiful, mischievous Pixies, you really like to have fun. And you don't just think about the good times, you actually go out and make them happen. You have bundles of positive energy to spend on friends and family — something you always do with your personal sense of flair.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/innercompass/index.jsp

2006-05-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Cynz, your best adventures are Outdoor Outings

You're geared up and ready to conquer the great outdoors! Snow-capped mountains, deep blue lakes, and evergreen forests — these are the places your heart wants to be. Sure, you can appreciate a nice dinner out, but nothing beats the view you can savor from the top of a mountain.Walking in the woods or simply hanging out in your backyard, as long as there's fresh air and the wind in your hair, you're in paradise. So grab the sunscreen and get outside! For a nature lover like you, the sky truly is the limit.

more survey

2006-05-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

Cynz, the emoticon that represents you best is the Winking Face
Well, hello there (wink, wink). Aren't you quite the flirt? Maybe you reserve your talents to the online realm where you can be somewhat anonymous and sly.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/kiss/index.jsp

that's me?

2006-05-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

Cynz, you're 14% masculine

This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.You're also 86% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat less masculine than other women.But what is gender identity exactly? A person's gender identity is defined by the extent to which they see themselves as masculine or feminine. Every person possesses both masculine and feminine qualities to some degree, however the extent to which each person has these qualities differs widely. While you were taking the test, we calculated your scores in 6 areas typically defined as masculine and 6 areas typically defined as feminine.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/genderidentity/index.jsp

Cynz, your signature color is Sterling Blue
You've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not afraid to use it. Serious, intellectual types like you meet their match with a cool color that sparkles with the same striking intelligence as you do. That's why Sterling Blue is the ideal match for you! This is not to say that you've always got your head in a book. Not by any stretch. While you may not be the person at the party kicking off the karaoke, you're probably the one starting up stimulating conversations and making your cohorts chuckle with your quick wit.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/signaturecolor/index.jsp

rabbit

2006-05-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.usbridalguide.com/special/chinesehoroscopes/Rabbit.htm

THE FIRE RABBIT 1927 AND 1987
Fire adds an unspoken magnetism and mystery to the Rabbit. These creatures have a burning desire to get out there and live life to its fullest. They are active and adventurous and love anything that sparks their creativity or curiosity. They can throw tantrums here and there, if provoked, but most of the time they work very hard to avoid conflict or unpleasant confrontations. Fire Rabbits are charming and tend to push their emotions into the backs of their minds, but will speak up if necessary.

RABBITS MAKE EXCELLENT:
Therapists
Psychiatrists
Doctors
Ophthalmologists
Writers
Masseurs
Teachers
Publishers
Designers
Actors
Musicians
Administrators
PR agents
Fashion designers

the lush of my forest

2006-05-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

my forest grows. every morning, the world of green shimmers and shines with morning dew. the rustle of leaves heard as the ancient ones stretches lazily. the branches moves ever so slightly to shelter the children of the greens.

the ancient protects, provide, feeds and comfort the young nubile ones. the leaves form the protection of the penetrating harsh sun, the fruits are ever sweet and juicy, the grassbed soft.

'who are these creatures?' they whispered. they are no one but us, ghost of the remains of our ancestors, seekin refuge, seekin protection and the most vital gems that will substain us, and that, is love...

http://web.tickle.com/tests/secret/index.jsp

2006-05-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

Cynz, you keep secrets about your Love Life

Way to keep 'em wondering! When it comes to affairs of the heart, your lips stay sealed. Whether you've had your share of heartache or done the heartbreaking yourself, you know that not much good comes from kissing and telling.You're a passionate person who takes relationships to heart. While some people dish up intimate details of their love lives around the water cooler, you've got more respect for your sweethearts than to reduce them to email fodder. If your name happens to circulate through the rumor mill, it's only because you're so mysterious. Who says romance is dead?

http://web.tickle.com/dog/index.jsp

2006-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Cynz, you're a Pug!
No bones about it, you're an intelligent, playful Pug. Witty and charming, you're a lot of dog wrapped in a small package. People just love you — a wonderful approachability and sense of humor put you at the top of everyone's list.

i am PINK gRapEfrUit?

2006-05-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Mmm ... pink grapefruit! Sweet and tart at the same time, you're bursting with sun-kissed goodness. If you were a song, you'd be "Wake up Boo!" by the Boo Radleys. You’d tell everyone that it’s a beautiful morning. That's not to say that you don't have an edge -- quite the contrary. In fact, a little bit of sugar (aka gifts, praise, and other goodies) can always help bring out your naturally sweet flavour. But when it comes down to it, you prefer friends who can match you in strength and independence. Luckily, that kind of attitude is appealing, so you always have them wanting more. Citrusy, tangy, and a little exotic, you're a truly tasty treat.

forewarn

2006-05-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

u may read my blog, but pls dun question or asked abt my secrets. im alive, i deal wit harsh lives. this normally means im okie. at least, at the current moment.

dun ask

juz dun ask

thank u

empty words, empty dreams

2006-05-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Father

In the word family, it means Father And Mother I Love You.

Father
They are the pillar of strength
The shepherd
The laughter and joy
The stern and masculine
The king

I love my father. I haf not came from a simple and expressive family. I did not lived together with my parents and siblings from young like my brother and sister did. I was the youngest.

I was young once, but my childhood was stolen from me. They ripped it away from me. It wasn’t a pain that was constant and slow, but a wound bleedin and gaping wide. I was left with two choices, to face it or not at all.

When I was six going to seven, they make me choose, to be wit my parents or not. I didn’t choose the latter. I was young and naïve. I noe tat I should haf a mama n papa in my life.

The choice I made I didn’t regret. For my family is some place I belong, n I nv had a prob fitting inside the picture. But some one tell me pls, y don’t I fit in the picture anymore?

My brother left me, emotionally and mentally, there is a wound unmend, till this v day. I rem the days when I feel hurt and cry, some one will hug me, rock me to sleep, y doesn’t this happens anymore?

Y is my father so cold to me? Y do I feel awkward in this place which offers me the security and protection for so long. Y do I feel the pain and sadness that leers at me from every corner? Everyone is so depressed, so lost in the own world, of bills and relationship, love and sickness. Love and concern doesn’t fit well anymore in their hearts? Or in my heart ?

He can shout at me, scream at me, beat me, or slap me. But I dun understand why he banish me into the realm of non-existence. I do wish to noe the reasons.. y? izzit becoz u dun like me anymore? I wonder if father can detest their daughter. Do I remind u of something so sick and digustin that tokin to me absolutely demote ur morale and firm standin in life? Do u look at me and wonders ‘how did I even came across the idea of havin u?’ am I a life size evidence of ur past failure?

Y? I need to noe the reason. I will take a plier, pry open ur mind, dig hard n harder til I find the ans. But my heart dun wish to noe the ans, of im juz afraid, that the v truth im seekin for will not set me free.

Yes, I feel hurt, inferior and worsen den a scum. I look at u wit defiant eyes and asked u ‘y did u even have me when u cannot take care of me?’ yes, I blame u, for not being strong enough for me to lean on, of not being there when I wan u too, for not noticing im sick , for not carin, for not being able to support me financially. U are the source of failure which I am todae. u left me, even since u locked urself in ur closet. The place where I could not reach into anymore.. ever since u lost me as a child in ur eyes.

God, I cant stop hurtin.

tale of a empty heart

2006-05-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

In this small tiny weeny world.. There are lots of diff kinds of ppl. Some choose the path of light, to open up their heart to the world of strangers, to feel thoroughly the hurt and pain, to experience the worlf of heartaches and joy. They are brave ppl. There are also cowards ard too.. ppl that closed up their heart so tight and refuse any form of love or hate. They lived the constant lives of no ups and no downs.

While some, are juz not satisfied wit the two choices, the took up the third.. to steal joy away from others, so that their lives are more fulfilling, more wonderful and they happily dwell in this so called ‘decepti0n’.

I shan’t name the ppl.. those were the ones I cared deeply for and still do. In fact, I dun blame them, but I juz cant get over the hurt and pain that would not allow the flowing tears on my cheeks to stop..

Im a ger.. Im strong but not thick skinned. Im independent but I need ppl. Im happy but also easily hurt. I forgive but I cant forget. This is whu I am,.. I cannot help it.

Imagine this scenario, two person u really cared abt whom do not really noe eacxh other starts becoming best friend. They shared a bond building common topic. And of coz, that is “U”. u cannot escape of the teasing, makin joke out of ur own expense. One of them did it to make herself feel better, superior, devoidin u of the right to joy u have and the other, tryin so hard to make an impression. They said I look fat and old. Let me remind u.. im a ger..

It wasn’t one sentence, or one single attempt, not even only on one occasion. It was constant and always.. without fail. If the two parties is both gers, maybe I wun take it so strongly, but one of them is a guy. What will a ger feel? If the guy is someone she cared abt ? someone whose always there when in need, a shoulder to cry on, someone whom she will so anything for him to stay friends wit him, even letting down her strong wall of pride and apologise when necessary. He was part of the pillar of her strength, he can take credit fer whu she is todae.

And another, a ger, close as sisters. she loved her, in her own way, maybe she was nv expressive, she tinks fer her, she cared and as I mention, she loved. She’s not a ger whu loves easily, maybe the devil robbed her of the gift that God has bestow her from young. She no longer haf the power to love, but the past remained. The past is now whu she is. Without the past, she will haf no one to love. That is becoz she love the since she was a child, when she was God-like, before the devil, the stealer of light came and took away her gift one night.

She got over it, she cried.. unknowingly to these two ppl that everyone word sliced her heart, mock at her stupidness and clumsiness. But she cant fergets, she feels inferior. She feels defeated. They apologise of coz, but the damage was done.

a sPiriTual reStin place

2006-04-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

we live in a v busy world.. a place where sometimes we missed out the v essential things of beauty n life even when it is thrown right in the face. events happens v fast and for some reason, more of us lost the abiliy to comprehend matters n situation. the harsh reality force us to deal wit life and does not allow us to rest a single moment. is it alive? a monstrous shadow eatin up ur v spirit.

these few days are consider a disaster. i nv seen the omen, the deep rumbling of the Earth, or the thunderous both from the sky. or perhaps i lied, i did see the forewarned but yet i pretended that i didnt. naturally, when i was slap outright to deal with the situation i wanted to run, to be deaf, to be blind. losing all connection with the world appeals to me greatly at that moment.

yesterdae, mom n dad quarrelled. it wasnt a small tiff, nor was it an arguement. it was a storm. the exchange of harsh words, screaming n shouting, n eventually, crying. haf u ever witnessed the terrible moments where u thought u pictured the worst, but saw the dreadful scene whereby ur father make angry threats to kill ur mother? ha.. it was not juz an drama series.

i drag my angry father away over the shouts of my mom. i pull him out of the hse and into the nearby blockz. strangly, i was the one who drag him. my bro was home at that moment, n i had nv seen him out of his room. when i was out wit my dad, i msg my bro to take a look at my mom, which i am not sure if he did.

yes, the storm is over, but it is not the end. i hope things will be alright.

lets tok abt other things. i went to new creation church wit my frenz on sunday. the preacher was pastor prince, a charming n charismatic fellow whu amuses his audience wit his words. the session was a good one but i did not felt that i was connected wit God so much as the eternal life service, or maybe it is becoz that it was my first time steppin into the church after so many years that my emotion soared. after the service we went to the children church to pick up a ger named stepie whom is a sister to my fren's fren. she is so shy when she saw me at first. i didnt wan to scared her so i keep my distance. after which when we were aving kunch at long john silver, she gradually warms up as she saw me makin hearts and stars wit the straws there. she's so cute n vibrant, a fresh new perception u will get when u observe her. eventually we 'stick' together.

i rem that i was juz commenting that i haf been puttin on weight and she said ' Jesus said no one is fat in His eye' . her words struck me. since when had i cared so much on appearance? to put on make up every morning, to think of an outfit to wear to sch everydae and to care so much on the opinion of other. i wasnt like that the last time. my gf commented that i haf change alot and when i asked her what was it that change n whether if it is a good or bad thing she didnt answer me.

seredipity. i found my restin place in the arms of God. He gave me the strength to face the truth and the wisdom to solve problems. i haf to admit, i hadnt accepted Him fully in my heart yet. but i had always known His presence is real and a part of me aches to return to His embrace.

all abt me

2006-04-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

Well, what's a rule if it's not meant to be broken? Although you're not quite there yet, you're only a few crazy nights away from officially becoming "naughty." You've broken your share of rules - perhaps had a few flings, taken some rather serious risks, embellished the truth every now and again to save your skin - but you're still nice when it counts. If it's dangerous, cruel, or really illegal, chances are you haven't done it. Which is probably just as it should be. We all like to walk on the wild side now and again (it can be so much fun to be bad!), but it's important to strike a balance and keep your urges in check. You're doing fairly well so far - keep up the good work!

2006-04-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

2006-04-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

2006-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

the wrath of a witch

2006-04-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

i begin my story..

this started few years back. bro n sis were two v close entity. they share their joy, laughter n peace. God above grant them the ability to love, to accept one another as whu they are, n bless them a gift of sacrifice. was it time? or rather how the world is shaped, or was it the sorrow, the hopelessness they see around them? the faailure to do wat is right.. they fall apart. no longer were they able to share, to finish one another sentence, to have a childish and playful fight.. all sense of communication is abruptly cut off with a letter and buckets of tears and sorroe. the little sis nv get to realise, how this small fall may result in the hardening of the heart of the bro so strong tat he can nv realli open up again. to feel n sense the world with a bare heart happens no more. he drew a spell.. a strong one ard him/.one that no one can break.. he nv believes in love again. the whisper of freedom brushes over him, the granite he cast ard protected him.. from all hurt, pain and mostly love.

the sis trembles.. how can this happens? was she to be punished for the silliness of youth, of the sqaunder of love she has receive? she was young, had no exposure to pain but onli surrounded by the ppl whu love her deeply. had she, in her rash action, ignite the spark that result in the flame that consume the whole forest? she fear, she regret and guilt locked her. she looked back and saw a scorched and empty field. she did wat all the other little ger will do, she cried.

there was a time, she recall.. that love was so easy n free. so readily given and accepted....

it is my birthday.. i have long awaited this day. the day rejoice with my birth, the sun shines a brillant gold upon the juicy and green crops of the field. the birds sings wit such sweet voices that hope surged in one heart. no one could explain the fullest of the heart, the extra bounce in their steps and the true and cheerful smile on their face. love spreads.

he gave me a wind chime. a fine work of quick and nimble fingers of paper cranes and fishin line.. it was of the most radiance colour bathed in the gold of the sun hung in my room's window, it was so fragil.. i loved his handicraft as i love him. though pretty it may be, i keep it in my drawer, juz like i held him close in my heart. the simple kind gesture he showered me wit touched my heart. if my heart is music instrument, the deepest chord of love is strummed. God bless.

years later, when i looked back, where sorrow and lonliness struck my heart in the blackest of the night, i cried again.

every paper crane, there was a message of love.

a simple prayer was written on the paper. asking for protection, care, love and smiles granted from God above. that was the day i realise the significace of me in his life, the importance of a soul that could connects with urs, a lovin that fills a cup so full that it overflows.

this is not a sad story, he still live. though i regret, i could still salvahe it. im juz scared. by the enormity of such a past. i have not been granted wit the courage to do away the fear, to admit my mistake and take him into my arms again.

i almost lost him last month. God reminds me that i dun haf the time of the world to ask for forgiveness. im still scared.

my beautiful story

2006-02-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

four month plus le. this is indeed a long journey\cumin on to the fifth month. i wanna sae thanks to my dear fer takin care of me so much and sometimes i tink im too unreasonable le. he is juz simply the answer to my prayers to \god for the love of my life
sprain my ankle, which guy will come all the way down from bukie batok to amk early in the mornin to send me to sch? his sch starts at one, he hangs ard wit me from nine. whu will self volunteer to let me bite him when he c me in pain? which guy will remain defenceless when i oinch him so hard? i didnt realixse the pain i cause him physically until i saw my teeth marks and the blue black on him? whu will carry me up the stairs when i cant walk? send me home in a taxi? there is so much i wan to thank him for.. he give in to me even when it is not his fault but my own petty nature. i like him when he traets me like somethin so precious and he will not let go. he fights for hme even when our relatioship goes down the rocks at one time
seeing him hurt pierced my heart. tell me, if there is any other guy whu will do all this and make me feel this way
i juz wan to sae thhat i luv him and i will do anythin i could to transform this realtionship into a beautiful n happy fairy endin and i mean it. even when things are terrible, storms at bay, i noe that i haf a safety dock i can land on. call me selfish but i haf grown so dependent on this cute and smart boy tat the thought of losing can m,ake me cry all day( haf already experienced that)

i miss my frens too.. i miss the days hangin out wit jun min or samuel blah blah.. now like everbody is busy n i tink we are losing one another in distance. i miss the times we joke ard and the times where things are much more simpler./ i miss xinyi they all too.. n sharon. in some sense.. im losing touch wit my bestfren premma. i dunno y but i dun tink i can relate to her as well as in the past. whu says time won change anythin? at the v least, i got closer wit my klassmates and is able to share more things wot them den in the past. i haf got this much to contand myself wit. jia you cynthia.. there is so much i haf got to do and meet up the standard for.

thank u Lord for giving me lovely parents. i luv my mum n dad. woludnt swap them for anythin in the world. n thankz for a fantastic sis i dote on n bro too.. thank u. everythin i hold n protects now i give thankx.

CamPfIre

2006-01-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

went back to deyi yesterdae.. hahax.. the campfire is boring.. but meetin wit the teachers is fun!
everybody kinda change.. finally we met up wit the psl teacher.. mr johari.. he is a nice guy..
i miss deyi.. i missed the sch daes and the days of sitting at the back of the klassroom.. it was so fun.. i rem we BACK ppl used to gossip alot n crack alot of cold jokes.. pik kuan and liting always got food.. so do kristal and sharon sometimes.. den jun min the gang always play cards.. n so fun is the time where samuel n we leong they all when they crack cold jokes together.. haha
some how.. this kind of things dun happen in poly now.. i miss it.. i wan to go back.. lol

2005-12-13T01:18:00.000-08:00

my new hairstyle...style?

2005-12-13T01:15:00.001-08:00

oh look..its winter

2005-12-13T01:15:00.000-08:00

2005-12-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

2005-12-13T00:55:00.000-08:00

2005-12-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

Rules from God

1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up !!... To the Lord. "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up !!... ! Your Prayers. "Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING." Philippians 4:6 God answers Knee-Mail.
I thought this was mighty special, just like you. Pass this on and brighten someone's day.

waiting..

2005-11-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

now im waitin for my dear to cum back.. todae accompany him to hillgrove sec sch.. he is doing some paradin thingie..
these few days ar.. v tired.. i get less den 5 hr sleep everydae.. seems like i realli go home v late nowadays.. papa give remark on my behaviour but he nv restrict me. i noe it is becoz i turn 18 le, he wans to give me freedom.
lesson in klass todae i almost fell asleep.. oh sorri..i mena.. i did fell asleep. but todae still ok becoz it is onli a one hr lesson.
im considerin abt quittin hockey in sch. coz its likw.. how to sae huh.. np gers team. pointless to be there.. spac2go im also going to mis soon. becoz there is simply no more reason fer me to be there.. but if they need me, especially TDc, of coz i will be there.
work? that also appeal to me no more. i mean.. i tink i should haf more time to myself, i should notn rushed through life n experience everythin at one go. im takin it easy, takin a stroll n appreciatin my surroundin. i tink my fast-paced life is losin appeal.
psl alumni. i missed it.. not onli my batch but all the ppl.. like ming lun n soke fang kexin they all, they haf sorta disappear. sivan is not holdin any meetin either. this is bad..
im teachin my cousin hui hui tuition once a wk. i tink i spent more time wit my cousin family den my own. i mean, i have seen sis in wks.. urgh.. i dun mind teachin tuition but i wan to spent my whole dae there.. i mean, they expect me to go out wit them after tuition or pei hui hui.. i do not wan to exceed to role of juz being a teacher, i wan hui hui to score well of coz, even though her latest test she flunk by 2 mark, my point is, im not one of their famiyl! if i do not spent enuff time wit my own family alreadi, it doesnt seem right to be wit them all the time.i tink i neeed to tell them this. i refuse to receive payment becoz im not plannin to commit to this tuitionin cause. if she manages well, i will no longer tutor her. im doing this as a favor to third aunt n hui hui. but i do not wan to be a permanant figure in their lives.
sis n i haven met for so long. she cumin back hm to stay this fri.. hurray!
my dear. i dunno wat to don wit him. he is so sweet n caring. im scared.. im afraid i will forgo this relationship one day.. n it will be totally my fault. becoz i am not able to be less selfiish n love someone. when im wit him, i fear the endin day will come n i cud actually hear it silently approachin. isnt tat scary/? better notn tok abt it.. hush..
humm.. i met up wit jackson recently, he's a changed person.i felt tat i do not noe him n i tink tat i do not wan to noe the current him. i prefer to tink of him as the person i met last time.
poly life is gettin borin. i hope to haf somethin excitin to cum by soon enuff. i need frens.. not only my klassmates but i need new frenz too.. humm.. maybe i should start going to church.. i will take christmas as a opportunity ba.
btw, i went clubbin at momo last sat. when i was there, i kinda lost myself to the music. it was fun but yet i did meet digustin guys.. horrible!

love...

2005-10-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

confessions

2005-10-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

its been long since i last wrote.. alot of things happened lately.. trainin camp.. bintan trip n poly forum..
bintan was excitin except fer the fact tat i kena alot of injuries.. otherwise its awesome! the ppl there r v fun ppl.. we alreadi had one outin le.. at eski bar.. ya.. dear wenr wit me on tat outin.. the world is so small.. timothy is actually his primary sch mate!
the poly forum rox.. too bad it is abit short.. otherwise i tink it will be wonderful to spend more time wit the GAY tp ppl.. n of coz the one million cheer.. haha..
the trainin was alright until somebody wit the name of Daniel spoils everythin.. i realli relli tink i should stay away frm him.. he is bad news!
miss carol n kaan. they must be enjoyin in austria..
i cannot believe they r going to cancel gers team for hockey juz like tat.. so abruptly n we gers had been trainin for so long.. i realli cannot understand those ppl.. arrghh

todae went out wit sharon n samuel.. long nv c them le... miss them alot alot.. tok v long..

me n dear past one mth le.. lookin forward to another mth.. haha.. luv him

my bintan trip

2005-10-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

oh man.. it was extremely fun.. haha.. although i miss my dear alot durin the camp

have u ever tried living in a kampong? or spendin the nite on a sampan?
have u tried to climb coconut tree?? or tried catchin the crab to eat/.?

haha.. there is rock climbin n flyin fox too.. get to noe alot of ppl.. wakin up in the sun with the full horizon line spread b4 u.. gazin up at millions n trillions to stars.. every nites is a meteor shower..
55 of us went.. onli 13 r girls.. had fun interactin wit the ppl.. teamwork is impt.. learn alot i can use in my camp.. like the buddy thing,,.. n washin one another feet.. omG.. haha.. so fun

need to meet my dear le.. continue other time ba

meaningful words

2005-09-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

1) It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is >more painful is to love someone and never to find the courage to let >that person know how you feel.>>
2) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the >right one, so that when we finally meet the right person, we will >know how to be grateful for that gift.>>
3) Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the >romance in a relationship--and to find out you still care for that >person.>>
4) A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to >you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and >you just have to let go.>>
5) When a door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we >look so long at the closed door that we don't see the ones, which >has been opened for us.>>
6) The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and >have the best conversation you ever had.>>
7) It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but >it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it >arrives.>>
8) Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll >love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow >in their heart, but if it doesn't be content it grew in yours.>>
9) There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear >from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be so >deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from the heart.>>
10) Never say goodbye if you still want to try; never give up if you >still feel you can go on; never say you don't love a person anymore >if you can't let go.>>
11) Love comes to those who still: hope although they've been >disappointed, to those who still believe although they've been >betrayed, need to love those who still love although they've been >hurt before.>>
12) It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to >like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to >forget someone. >>
13) Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even >that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes >only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Hope you find the one >that makes you smile.>>
14) There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you >just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope >you dream of that special someone.>>
15) Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what >you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do >all the things you want to do.>>
16) May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials >to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to >make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts!!>>
17) Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts >you, it probably hurts the person too.>>
18) A careless word may kndle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; >a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.>>
19) The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves >and not twist them with our own image -otherwise; we love only the >reflection of ourselves we find in them.>>
20) The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of >everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along >their way.>>
21) Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have >searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the >importance of people who have touched their lives.>>
22) Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a >tear.>>
23) The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, >you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures >and heartaches.>>
24) When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was >smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is >smiling and everyone around you is crying...

someone that matters

2005-09-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

for those out there whu dunno.. im attached.. hahax.. surprising ritez.. most of the time i tell u guys not to get tied down.. thia time i defy my principle..

whu is he lehz? he is somebody tat relli matter alot to me and i tink he is realli too nice le.. actually i could sae tat i not v confident in this relationship n i did tink alot before relli takin up such a commitment. haha.. poly frenz out there.. tink u guys met him le.. but my sec fren... especially prem n the spp gang i tink u guys dunno ba..

well.. i started liking this person v long ago le.. haha.. tink it started out in a bad way when i first noe him.. he huh... always tok in hokkien den i dun understand.. initially when we first got acquainted, he sae he almost lose his temper at our grp which consist of tau pok, carol, kaan blah blah blah.. haha.. bet u guys can guess y? with tau pok ard, we are mad ppl// n of coz most of the time im crazy anyway.. this happens in Taman Negara..

i admit i did take notice of him coz he does resemble a person i came to noe in the past. but after the trip i also nv bother to relli get to noe him in person.. haha.. but tat is not the end ba.. dunno how come his fren give him my no n den we got msg each other lo.. but tat time still nv sae like him or anythin..

the expedition trip is where i started to haf feelings for him. for those good n close fren out there i probably got tell u all abt him. we were at the bar where this super xia jian guy start to sprout nonsense n he stood up fer me.. haha.. this is the time i took a doule take n start to look deeper into this person ba..

he ar.. can sae treat me v nice le.. i tink this is the first time i relli took an effort to enhance the relationship and i do care alot abt him.. last time my relationships most of the time is the guy take initiative to hong wo, to pamper n take care of me. i admit maybe my mentality is immature last time n i do tend to take things fer granted. n i can sae i nv take to relationship to be serious n long term. Gek San shud noe.. lol

this time though i feel different.. how to sae huh? i keep thinkin thing in a long run n i do tend to picture our future together.. maybe i relli wan to settle down le. however, me dear here im not sure if im relli the right one fer him. i trust tat he is loyal but i do noe that there r alot of other gers out there whu r better den me n make a better gf. he noe v little gers n sometimes i wonder how can he be so sure im the right person leh?

dear, if u happen to read this i wan to tell u tat i do care abt u alot and i juz wan u to be happy. if there is a ger out there whu is good to u, dun be cold to her because of me. look into her in a new perspective and c if she is good fer u. id i happen to noe the ger and i noe she is a nice person, i will back out.. dun worri i wun blame u or her because i wan u to be happy. u r a v nice person. being with u is like a dream come true.. but as u said, there is no fairy tale endin in real life and i am contand to have what i haf with u now. i dun tink im good enuff for u but i will try my best to love u n take care of u.

long day.. ermz.. i mean night

2005-09-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

yest whole nite nv sleep.. got also a few hours onli.. haha.. call carol at 3 plus am to discuss multiple choice questions.. siaoz rite? kaan was so surprise when i replied his msg.. but todae i late fer sch sia.. jialat.. i left home early somemore,.. tink todae got accidents coz on the bus i hear the fire/ambulance siren(not sure which). it took me more den an hour to reach the klassroom lo.. v funni.. this girl alighted the same time as me was runnin.. i was walkin in big steps.. but we are at the same speed.. LOL.. she look so silly runnin like tat..

last night was a long nite.. went through the Wendy Shu notes v slowly.. den todae come out more on Adeline Koh.. arrghh.. the multiple choice i got compare wit ridzuan..n we both get the same ans.. haha.. if im not wrong i will get full mark for multiple choice.. cant sae the same for the long question though.. tink im going to fail the other question le.. the one on the potassium n the calcium one i got it wrong.. is 8 mark lo.. n the one on the ethylene one.. i simply repeat the question onli lo.. 15 mark lehz.. tink i will die...

long nv play hockey le.. hahax.. hand abit itchy,, wantes to but the hockey stick i saw last time.. waitin for exam over must ask kaan to acc me to go n buy.. humm... another top item on my list is the bag i saw at top shop tat time.. guess wat? it is purple colour de.. heeZ.. kinda expexted ritez?

yest jun min call me... was surprise as he dun call me in the afternoon de.. den i ask him y he call,, he sae is becoz of erm humm.. i tot wat... actually was his bdae the day before.. gosh.. i totally forgot abt it.. was so embarrassed.. haven even get him a bdae present yet lo.. shussh.. canot sae in the blog wat i wan to get him.. sekali he go n read.. more guilt lo... he keep sayin things to make me more guilty.. haha.. let me tok abit at this jun min.. i noe him since sec 3.. can sae thru adelyne or i tink is becoz we r klassmates.. initially find him v fan.. call me to tok cork but dun understand my jokes de.. lol.. but in the end he prove to be someone i care alot abt.. haha.. rem in the sec sch days he everytime give me morning call coz i am always late.. den always kena detention.. he treat ppl v nice lo.. i v short tempered de.. he still can tahan me.. there was once tat he cannot tahan no longer.. we had a fight n this time none of us try to make an effort to tok to each other.. haha.. tat was so long ago.. but after the fight make the friendship stronger ba..

next person i wanna tok abt is premma.. she is my bestfren.. thought we dun constantly c each other but we do noe that we care alot abt each other ba.. i rem in sec 1 when i always quarrel wit her.. den i walk away.. she taught me one thing though.. nv walk away from somebody n this lesson i learnt well.. too bad i didnt learn it sooner.. i should haf confront my bro n solve th prob i have wit him years ago. back to prema.. i tink she is v independent n strong.. there are times when i became frustrated wit her as she sometimes refuse to share her problem wit me.. i miss her alot.. nv seen her for ages..

humm.. tok abt my bro.. it was such a nice feelin to c him wear the bdae present me n sis bought for him that day.. he was wearin shoes n he caught my eye.. i was wonderin y he look so shuai tat dae.. lol.. he should wear white more.. i tink his other shirt all v dull.. though i attempt to tok to him n make an effort to involve him in family discussions.. he is always so distanced.. i regretted my childish action to break the friendship n care we had in the past.. those days are so nice *wistful i rem how close we were n i used to tink that he is my hero.. i admire him for whu he is n i tink he possess a good heart.. he will always be the guy from the past i noe.. whu dote on me so much.. hai.. better not continue.. later cry.. haha

u noe.. im not sure y but i had not manage to open my heart to anyone for a long time.. there will always be a barrier n guard.. cud it be because i realise the ppl i care abt can or will die one dae? i fear death like i nv fear b4.. i cannot accept the fact that one day.. ppl i care abt will leave me..
tat thought is scary..

im also not v sure of myself.. what if i die one day? the most regretful last thought will be i nv take care of my parents ba... n of coz.. i regret that i cannot n will not open my bro heart again after the first scarring.. hai.. life sux

dehydration

2005-09-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

feelin so horrible.. me.. defeated by microscopic flu bug!!

yest was horrible.. they make us play in the hot sun.. dehydration hor.. si bei jialat..i tink i saw dark spots dancing.. play halfway haf to go n drink water.. if they nv end the game early.. i tink i will die lo.. hockey is going to kill me one dae.. i noe it.. can feel it on my bones.. hahax,, ren lao le.. physically weak sia..

humm.. fu yu msg me yest.. i knew it was going to happen!! i mean.. he told me he like me .. like again after so long.. i ask him to give up b4 le.. i had even been rude to him.. aiya.. NS guys.. y do they all turn out like tat? like kena brain washed.. i nv reply him afterwards..

still waitin fer that special someone.. though there are no more excuse to c him.. i cud tell tat this is not the endin yet.. i juz feel happy tat someone cares n wishes to share the events with me.. for this im contented le.. i do hope things will not turn out bad.. i trusted him..

before closin ur eyes..

2005-09-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

it has been too long a while since i last wrote.. hope u guys are not bored reading the same thing again n again..

these days.. i had my thoughts sorted out.. i guess sometimes i do tend to regard unimportant things too seriously n oppositely so for imp things..

i had been neglectin my studies n i am willing to buck up

even though i am an amateur.. i will still attempt to finish the story i have once promise i would

hockey rawks.. missed teacher's day celebration.. hai..

will get back here soon.. dun worri :)

wedding bells are ringin

2005-08-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

This is super boring.. here I am.. for my fri 3 hour break again.. nuthin to do.. except perhaps facing the com, this is so stupid.

Yest I watch ‘the island’.. quite nice film.. got a significant twist at the ending. This makes me tink a lot.. I was juz wonderin, if one dae people are realli able to clone human, n this will lengthen our life up to a period of 60-70 years, could be because of tissue transplant with no tissue rejection. Will we then, be consider the more superior beings compared to the clones? Should the clones be considered a human being too? Of r they juz object, or rather tools? Or a insurance policy? R we cheating death this way? Does God allow? Will we incur the wrath of God, n the end of days relli comes?

Anyway, I tink if I were in the guy character Lincoln’s shoe, I would do the same.. they said something v true in the movie, that is ‘ human will do anything to survive’. Foetus move away from the chemical killin them in wombs, soldiers uses dead bodies of their buddies to shield bullets, I guess I had not relli witness the horror of life.. all the while I had been pampered, I wonder how the grey n dark areas of the nights are like in other places. Do children in other place, countries, witness the horror everydae? Do they accept wat is reality taught to them? I sae, the olden days are more barbaric.. the enslaving of people, the killing n wars over dispute. In the present society, we do not face this kind of treachery, we settle our disagreement in a civilised manner.

Can believe my sis is reeli going to be married.. hahax.. so happy for her.. truthfully, I have my reserve, she is going to move out, there is be no bickering, sharing of clothes habits we had over the years.. now tat I grow up, I could understand her position n responsibilities better.. though I cannot sae the same for my bro.

Going to her food tastin next fridae.. haha.. so honoured.. this time I will go as a guest, not as a server.. my sis weddin she ask me to be the emcee.. dunno whether she mean it or not.. but if she does, that would be my greatest honour.
She bought me 2 dress.. 3rd aunt bought me one. I bought myself one.. oh gosh.. wat am I going to wear.. crazy de. They tink im the bride izzit? So many dresses for one evening.. humm.. haf to go on a diet.. if not cannot fit.

Yest met up with hui shan, sivan, hui juan, zihui ,gek san. Though it was a brief half an hour, we had fun n catch up quite abit, I bought famous amos frm sivan.. saw this guy name shin feng I tink.. he came n tok to memm when he dun even noe whu am i.. lol.. ex-deyian ba. Miss deyi.. miss my old life..

Idiot jun min came up to my hse yest.. to congrat mt sis over her wedding news.. den the stupid fiancé misunderstood.. tot jun min my bf.. gosh.. how can it be.. even sis noe lo.. hai.. heng mama not in living room., she sleepin liaox.. if not, how?

Humm, meetin up with darling Sharon soon, so excited.

i dun believe it!

2005-07-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

cant believe im going hong kong.. n it is in the matter of days!! omg.. wat should i bring? how much cash should i brought along.. n blah blah blah.. some more got the hockey camp.. jialat.. my shedule super duper packed.. n i haven prepare anythin yet.. n wats more i inherited the last min gene from my sis.. LOL.. not suppose to be frm her actualloy.. but both my parents always not last min de.. must be the homozygous recessive tat both of us inherited.. the ratio not right la!! but ncvm.. juz stick to the theory k..

for those of u out here whu nv take bio.. pls dun take me as a geek.. im juz over stressed k? lolz.. recently alot of tests ar.. yep.. i flunk my biostat.. 4.33 over 20.. how pathetic is tat.. i hate it man .. when in klass they always compare n compare n compare results.. compare or askin ard is ok.. but when one starts to complain.. say his/her result sux.. i feel like slappin the person.. kao.. if i sae i score lower.. automatically they move away n complain to others..pls la.. this kind of things is extremely shallow, childish and selfish.. nv,m.. lets not tok abt this..

hockey on tues.. kena whack in the chest.. ouChz.. pain pain.. tat terry la.. got hit by a stick some more.. he swing stick all the way back de.. nv c i behind him.. aiyo.. but at least he is sorri.. not like tat bing quan ar.. the hook my leg wit the stick.. i fly forward lo.. n he is not even sincere in his sorri.. if it was me accidentally trip over his stick i dun blame him.. is he HOOk my leg back lehz..BU GAN XIN

my frens scold me.. ask me y i torture myself.. actually not relli is torture la.. they dun understand.. i already made the promise to myself le.. even since last yr when my mother was v sick.. my life from now haf to be to the max.. to live t the fullest.. to acheieve the impossible.. physically n mentally ba.. i wanna be a strong person.. i dun wan to collaspe no more..

hao le.. tats all.. wish me luck on my hong kong trip.. heez

cynified

2005-07-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

208 gatherin rox absolutely!! hahax.. i had a good time... though not alot of ppl came.. it is still good to meet up n relieve the sch days and the good moments we used to have..

whu came ar.. hui juan n wei ling.. omg.. nv c they 2 fer so long le.. ling became prettier.. hui juan slim down alot.. both of them huh.. stay fer awhile onli.. 2 yrs nv c them le.. hahax.. realise i kinda miss them../

kim n sivan cmae.. these 2 i still c often.. kim same sch as me.. she also joined hockey wat.. sivan is becoz of spp lo.. n psl.. dawn also came.. haha.. nv hear frm her for so so long..

shan n mabel came.. these 2 i no need mention.. keep seeing them de.. we had a good time sharin fish n chip n ice cREAm.. muhaha.. gainin weight..

the guys ar.. humm.. reagan came.. he still looks the same.. zhi sheng dyed his hair again.. i keep seein ranjan around.. kelvin ar.. v lame person.. susanto.. heeZ.. i tink he look abit gay.. SHuussh.. xian yang.., he look haggard.. but he v nice.. sent me home :) n our dear saran.. keep makin jokes sia.. we ljuff like mad.. hahax.. i rem i used to sit next to him in klass last time..

the guys v bad lo.. still toks abt the airport thingie.. so childish.. hahax.. we tok abt other things too.. i felt more comfortable tokin to them now den last time.. i guess becoz i noe them long enuff le.. den not so awkward ba.. the gers ah.. dawn n hui juan n wei ling i nv tok much lehz.. they seemed preoccupied..

anyway..i miss our klass.. though maybe not as much as i will miss 408, 208 are still memories tat is precious n dear to me.. i rem i used to be the shy shy ger with specs sittin in a corner.. not darin to speak up or do anythin tat will attract attention.. hard to believe rite??

i guess durin sec 3 i change alot ba.. due to wat causing the change i relli haf no idea.. is it becoz i wanted a new life? or is it becoz of jun min they all? do i have it wit me all along or i haf wanted to be someone im not? but now i noe one thing.. i am not happy restrictin myself to be a shy n quiet ger.. not happy at all..

life roX

2005-07-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

life is simple n wonderful.. me going hk soon.. hahax.. on the 24 july.. the oone week holidae..

im going hockey camp on the 22 july.. lookin forward..

smileZ.. thank God.. mum's gettin better.. i haf everythin i wan

frenz.. family.. abit distant from my bro though. hope things will improve..

wish dad gets a job.. n sis ar.. wanna thank u so much.. fer keepin the family together.. for makin it work.. u r gettin married soon.. but i noe u will still be wit us... thank God

the harder u fall.. the higher u bounce.. rem this.. smiles :)

i promise...

2005-06-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

promises are meant to be broken.. the person whu says this ought to be shot!

however, i realised that alot of ppl break their promises.. promises made to a fren, family, and even in relationships.. they are simply not true..

i dun believe in 4eva.. memories last.. but not promises..

i rem my 1st ex, he promise me alot of things.. n i nv did the same thing to him.. coz i dun believe in myself.. i dun tink i can accomplish the things he wanted me to promise.. he seemed contended.. as in, he juz wants me to sae the words.. he dun even wan to noe if it is true..

i still rem my grandma.. she saes she will take care of me.. til the dae i got married.. she died

my frenz.. whu promised to be true.. are all lies..

i dun expect ppl to keep their promises to me.. but instead, i thank them.. for giving hope, strenght n courage to live n move on wit life.. though shadowed by a false hope, life is still simple n not ugly anymore..

smiles n cheerX

screwed up my life

2005-06-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

wed was fun!! in Jurong bird park.. though abit tiring and frustrated.. these days the kids ah!!! so disrespectful one.. was i ever like tat?? i guess i was ba.. thankZ God i grew up!! haha.. ermz.. my grp are the naughtiest lo.. dunno why.. got even a bunch of girls call themselves MEI NU!! can u believe it!! they are super young lo.. abt 7 to 9 like tat.. most of them r primary one i tink.. some are relli small but sum look v mature..

so i skip OSRM and took a cad down to the birdpark.. me is frm grp one.. same grp as Hui Xian, Edison, Christina and Gerald.. four of us with 14 kids plus a kind auntie.. the teacher i tink.. poor her.. anyway, we went to c flamingo lo.. walk wit them quite fun.. was holding hands wit the small small ger.. i tink her name evelyne.. ermz.. shub be la..

we also went to c the bird show.. take the panarail blah blah blah.. they keep on bullyin me la.. so i change my approach to abit fierce.. haha.. i threaten them.. sae if they still continue like tat i will ignore them.. surprisingly, reverse pschology does work on kids.. i say if they dun wanna take part in activity dun take part lo.. juz stand aside.. not all took part la.. but at least the majority.. in the beginning they pull me inside the water.. was all wet.. but dried up quick enuff..

after the bird show went to c the penguains.. hahax,.. wo hao shi bai wor.. 1st time in my life c real penguain...ya.. i had nv went to bird park b4 wor..

den after tat went home with gerald, wei li, edison n bernard.. me n gerald split all the mentos sweet.. shh.. haha... we v funni.. we ps alex chua.. ran up the bus without him.. tink he is mad.. haha.. but too bad la.. wanna go home fast fast mahz..

thurs

thurs go to sch fer 2 hours.. den meet jacky.. he ask me to join his company, so i went up to take a look.. den saw emeline!! my neball senior whom i haf not seen fer 2 yrs!! yes.. she is workin there.. haha.. world is so small.. den they welcome me there lo.. all v warm n nice..(except the boss).. A guy name steve show me ard.. i tot he is 23 sia.. he turn out to be 19 yr old onli.. haha.. when he ask me how old i tink he is n i said 23.. he asked jacky whether he will die if he jump frm the 9th floor.. haha,.. funni guy.. a ger name liyana b dae on tat day also.. they invite me to join in the celebration.. i had choc cake wor!! haha.. i nc even wish the ger coz i dunno her

after tat i went to cityhall.. jun min ask me to go there de.. but jian chong n jianji they all was still at orchard eatin pastamania.. so i went to shop alone while they take cab to meet me.. when they reached, i c them suddenly i feel weird.. as in dunno wat to do dunno wat to sae.. every1 changed so much! so i was abit ermz.. keep to myself.. heng heng chris was nearby and he came to meet me lo.. so i ps them.. LOL.. abut guilty..

chris meet me n we went to marina long john to sit down n tok regardin the job reccomendation thingie.. coincidentally i saw jasper pass by.. haha.. i scare him by jumpin behing his back.. tink he is workin so i nv disturb him.. chris told me the company jacky recommend me to is NETWORK marketin.. he has been there fer 3 mths!! arrghh.. i feel like killin jacky,, kacky promise me it is not lo.. for i told him i hate all that..

the movie initial D was great!! jay chou v cool.. all the funni actors are inside.. the main ger character wasnt a disappotintment... not v pretty la.. more towards the cute side.. den at nite they went arcade.. again i sian diao.. keep to myself.. den at last jun min n jian chong sent me home.. haha.. wat a long day

17062005 it is todae! ha! lame..

2005-06-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

todae fell asleep in klass.. was so so tired.. dunno how am i going to tahan fer work later.. yest elaine msg me.. ask me to go to the yatch camp wit her, den desmond was tokin in msn to me at nite.. askin me to go.. he sae that guo jun n zhi han n him going.. i was relli tempted sia.. but too late!! i handed in my bookin fer work yesterdae!! arrghh.. den todae actually wanna ask them if the bookin is out, if not out den i will cancel n go la... but todae i called.. angela picked up.. she sae bookin is out le.. den i dun dare cancel lo... i scared if i did they will not b happy.. den next time wun gif me bookin le.. hai..msad man.. me so tempted to go n play...

den was tokin on msn with zhi han also.. he go online damn late sia.. probably go clubbin den come back,, anyway.. dunno y, he was tokin to me abt guang de.. haha.. tat dae i saw they all.. i purposely avoid guang de mahz.. den elaine saw n tell zhihan.. den he ask me lo.. i was surprise tat zhi han dun like guang de.. they hang out togther so much.. tat time cca fair c them together again.. zhi han still sae he pon klass juz to acc him lo.. haha.. i guess all of us haf the same thinkin ba..

stupid andrew.. ps us on tues.. he sae he cuming fer vball.. den in the end nv cum.. feel like killin him.. call him he also nv pick up.. den ps us le still wun like msg us to sae sorri de.. so i scold him abit la.. can understand.. he got bball competition n it is v tiring.. so i offfer to help him sign attendance next week lo..

samuel ar.. tok to him n jun min in msn lo.. jun min sick.. pity him lo.. he is so much more quieter n tired when i had dinner with him.. like v haggard like tat... samuel went home to study i tink.. but in the end crap wit me in msn abt the good old daes in sec sch la.. i miss sec sch so much!!

was surprise to c chris on msn.. he tot i ferget him le.. haha.. i was uppose to find job fer him.. but i not in contact wit my ex boss lehz.. like unspoken termination like tat,, den im always so busy too.. v difficult.. so guilty.. haha.. den tok n tok he ask me dinner wit him next week.. was tryin to fix a date den i realise! my next week sched ule is so damn packed.. how? cannot lo.. we agreed on wed.. but also not sure

i wan NDP tickets.. arrghh,.. tat stupid guo jun.. i promise to help him ask.. i got ask justin.. but he sae he will try.. even if can get, i feel weird abt meetin him.. hahax.. den i haf to ask maybe josiah they all.. c they in ns will get tickets anot

carol sick.. tink quite terrible.. she was almost hospitalised yesterdae.. at first tot is appendiscitis.. but in the end heng heng is onli germs la.. but i tink her condition quite serious.. so i dun dare to ask her abt the elaine yatch camp.. so ke lian.. she sae she cumin sch on mon.. i feel bad la.. feel like visitin her de den i realise this weekend my days are packed le.. no free hours..

todae got 3 hour break.. i fell asleep in goh klass again.. he teach super fast.. use 1 hour to do 2 hour lecture.. so i got more den 3 hrs, i went to get osrm results n meet denise lo.. we went to NP to meet sharon after tat.. had linch there.. the jap food v nice!! i asked sharon to changer her NP shirt wit my SP shirt.. hahax.. fun mahz like tat.. denise also tot of tat.. sharon sae she will ask fer another shirt fer her.. actually i wanted to crash sharon klass de.. but scared late fer lesson.. so i went first lo. denise got crash her klass la.. on the way to sp i saw jianji n his gf.. we said hi lo.. i tot him i came to look fer sharon.. den she shoot me sae y i nv look fer him.. i stared at him n walk off luffing.. haha.. long nv c this chicken guy le.. still the same.

later got biostat klass. i sure oink de.. hope he end early.. den can rush fer work.. christina pon klass!! i will be alone.. nvm.. still got pearly la..

independent days

2005-06-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

papa n mama went off to Genting on tues.. sis stayed in her hse on wed.. so i was all alone on wed.. but i survived!! hEEx

thurs was terrible.. zhu tou Edison.. he sae wanna paint the banner.. i dismissed lesson at 12.. so i sae okie lo.. go n paint.. penny told me bernard was suppose to go wit me to paint the banner de.. i call him he nv ans.. so i stone 1 hour in the library doing nuthin lo.. den nvm.. i wait til one le.. nuthin to do.. i meet amanda.. pass her the lab manual n eat lunch wit her.. not relli lunch fer me la.. i ate strawberry ice kacang frm fc 3.. haha.. i like fc 3. den we went up to the club room,., i was thinkin y not i start paintin.. den i can go off earloy n meet xinyi they all at 5 mahz,.. they wanna watch movie.. so i went to saa to get the key.. but i didnt get it as karen went fer lunch n the stupid office women dun allow us to take.. so i call edison.. he sae zhen long got key so i went to find zhen long lo.. den onli i found out edision was in the library with zhen long also.. nvm.. i got the key n i start paintin.. wit amanda.. den bernard came n penny came.. eugene came fer awhile n when we finished the whole banner,, it was 7 plus.. n edison haven cum yet.. i called him! he was at HOME!!! arrghh.. i didnt meet up with xinyi lo.. n bernard nv go fer his rock climbin.. so that we cud finish the poster.. u noe how shock i was?

den i went hm la.. without dinner.. over the paintin of the poster.. penny told me wat happen at the expedition camp.. i was so disappointed in some ppl.. n the club.. first of all.. i didnt noe there was so much to internal fightin n politics involved.. it relli sicken me to the core..

so i try to cook myself dinner at hm.. i scald my hand(OKOK.. i dunnoe how to cook).. when i finally sit down n eat, the noodle tasted funni, i checked the expiry date.. guess wat?? u shud noe!! arrghh... i went to slp without dinner.. with my scald hand.. feel so lonely n sad.. haha..

den before i slp i quickly call sam n min.. to acc me dinner todae.. so todae i met them lo.. :) we went Mos burger.. we saw mabel, cher siang n kun long.. haha.. den we eat lo.. sam n min was being crappy as usual.. min is feelin sick so he went off at 8.. sam n i sit there n tok til nine den we went home lo.. haha... v long nv meet them le mahz.. so feel happy.. sec sch klass mates r simply the best!!

tml i crashin NP.. gonna haf lunch wit sharon during the 3 hour break..:) dunno if denise cumin wit me..

todae n yesterdae

2005-06-13T00:35:00.001-07:00

yesterdae i was workin.. as the usual.. haha.. but many interesting things happened.. for one thing.. jacky name is on the schedule but he did not turn up.. was wonderin wat happened to him.. v long nv c him le.. n his fren jimmy like dun care dun care like tat.. also bo bian.. perhaps his 28 days of leave has expire le..

when work tat time was hangin out wit ming yue raymond they all.. hahax,, they v funni ppl.. seems like ming yue like this ger n raymond ask me to help ming yue get her phone no..i almost did it lo.. except tat ming yue stop me.. gosh.. he dun even noe her name.. shi bai shi bai

raymond was wearing black jacket wor.. haha.. no pay increment promotion.. his duty is to catch us if we nv clean the susan n stuff.. but not true la.. fren fren mahz. he even help me clean susan.. hahax.. bu hao yi si.. heard tat sat ming yue was wearin black jacket.. raymond quittin le.. too bad.. no one to bully le.. heeZ

the bride is so so SO skinny!! n the bridegroom.. was.. ermZ.. to put it nicely, thrice her size.. hEEz.. ermz.. relli!! nv bluff u.. they were concludin tat either he must b rich, or with a veri veri good heart.. but i didnt get to c the groom.. was too busy entertainin my guest.. a bunch of uncles whu drinks alot.. but got help frm the guy(i dunno the name) from the table next to me.. n raymond help me get the dishes la.. so in the end.. quite an easy task.. onli serve drinks n portion.. the favor was CHOCs.. arrghh.. so tempted!! the guest eat the chocs in front of me.. feel like chokin them.

when i was going home, i met a bunch of crazies.. n i was utterly hopeless n foolish.. a bunch of people walkin towards me. i tot they were frm grand copthorne.. they said hi.. so i said hi also lo.. den one of the ask me where im going... i say im going home.. den suddenly, they start sayin things like, " my frens wan ur no".. gosh.. i was so freak out.. when i finally got it tat they are pickin up gers.. i turn n left la.. den they were shoutin n blah blah bah.. haha... i ran half the way to the bus stop.. hao ben worz..

had a terrible dream yest.. dreamt tat i was blind.. the feelin was horrible.. n i was scratchin my neck til raw n red.. didnt sleep much.. was awake by the time jun min give mornin call..

todae got meetin fer residential again.. was abit pissed off tat they haf it last min n they didnt inform me.. onli coincidentally i checked my mail during biostat klass tat i realised they sent email yest fer the meetin lo.. argghh.. wat do i expect..

dunno if amanda going dance todae anot.. if she going, den i go.. tml got volleyball n hockey.. wahZ.. xiong ar.. the fri n sat n sun i will be workin.. next wed jiahui sis havin her wedding banquet in grand copthorne.. i will not be able to work la.. coz got residential project mahz.. though it might be fun to work.. ask her to write me compliment letter.. muhaha..

todae n yesterdae

2005-06-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

2005-06-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

i relli dunno why n dun understand y.. i juz cannot stay at home.. one whole week.. n i haf onli come home relli late n off to sch v early.. todae is my onli rest day at home.. n den i juz cannot stand it.. had a tiff with my papa juz now.. was so angry n hurt.. den got online. the stupid n idiotic guang de haf to disturb me.. i dun even want to tolerate his nonsense todae.. i blocked him immediately.. before i blocked him.. i even told him.. i noe im gonna get it frm him on tues.. but seriously.. i dun care! todae was suppose to go out wit jiahui de.. but in the end she sae she dizzy.. den i dun feel like going to the interview alone.. so i rather not go out todae.. finish all my assignment first.. den tml go work.. abit suspicious tat if jia hui is relli sick.. juz talk to her yesterdae mahz.. she sounded okie.. i suspect is she dun wanna meet me so early tats y she sae she dizzy.. but also cannot judge wat.. cause she might be relli sick.. how would i noe.. last week was a wild.. i went fer hockey, meeting blah blah blah.. nv realli haf a good nite sleep as i was in sch til eight or nine plus.. but it was fun though.. i relli enjoy sports.. the feelin of testin the limit of ur endurance and feel the power in u.. nice! :) this week i had not relli kept in contact with my old frenz.. makin new frenz more.. hahax... sort of like a game like tat.. i intro frens to carol n she intro frens to me.. heez.. yest after hockey saw reagan in the sch taekwando.. he was suppose to pull some kind of stunt.. den the instructor v zi xiao.. ask me n carol not to go but stay n watch.. but i quickly ran away.. hahaz.. my new klassmates in klass are still a mystery to me.. it seemed like we are splitting.. at least tat is wat i feel.. i feel tat the new guys are pullin away our family members.. den we gers are left to fence fer ourselves.. but no matter wat.. i dun care much abt my klass this yr den last yr.. perhaps my social circle does not lie ther ba.. i felt tat i dun haf much happy moments in the klass den the ones i had wit tau pok n elmo they all.. haha. at least carol feel the same way as i do.. so at the v least.. i got carol to acc me to alot of things sia.. haha u noe huh..

tonitEZ

2005-05-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

hee.. me in sch now.. lesson finish not long ago... was so sleepy.. slept in klass juz now.. hahaX.. but v excited.. my mind not in sch n lesson.. toniteZ me going out wit prem sia.. her bdae tml.. tink im gonna spent the beginning of her bdae wit her.. though recently i got not enuff sleep.. but wat to do? she is my beZfren mahz.. i bet she also cannot pay attention in klass rite now..

yesterdae bought converse shoes.. den on the way home i saw her in amk central.. so qiao rite?!! haha.. she told me abit abt y she has been missin fer so so long..these few daes huh.. i haf also been so busy.. perhaps it is my fault too tat i didnt mangage to contact her..

yesterdae penny msg me.. ask me to join VBALL fer sports elective.. heeZ.. i wanted to join tat lo.. jasper also joinin.. heard tat jasper shi lian le. so sad.. :( those two were so sweet.. so i called carol n ask her to join too.. n i asked taupok they all too.. so far.. tink i can crash the elective le.. tau pok, carol, guo jun, amanda join.. the considerin list is elmo, shaf, cher, zhihan and hui xian they all ba... all my frenZ :)

haha.. hao le.. i gtg home n rest le.. so tired..

best holidae :)

2005-05-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

later im meetin my dearie mable to go buy some back to sch stuff.. namely my concession.. hahax.. being wit mabel is easy.. as though we did not lose contact before.. i guess there is such things as forever fren ba.. like me n prem.. nuthin changes.. though we meet lesser as we are both busy.. but we still do meet mahz.. n san n sivan n shan they all.. once a group.. always a group.. but some people i do miss alot .. like the frenz i had in 3 mths jc.. ren cui, joanna, gillian, kerui n shuan ba.. i nv meet them le.. they also veri busy wit sch stuff ba.. sharon they all i still got meet.. still in contact wit my primary sch fren shu fen, sujuan long nv meet le.. n whu huh.. still in contact wit jun min of coz.. ade i nv meet up le.. n contance mei xian they all lost contact..

yesterdae i was workin.. damn those tcc ppl.. all the first timer whu CANNOT understand instrustion.. even those whu worked there long cannot understand simple things n drag others wit them.. i was a first timer too.. but i ASKED.. i dun juz do stuff my way.. urgh.. n i cannot stand the way tat they tink they are superior.,.. okie la.. not all tcc people like tat.. but recently all im teamed up wit is like tat.. wat to do? todae i got work too.. alone somemore.. wei yee, suki n rui wen not wit me.. hai.. hope jacky is workin todae though.. :) he always liven up things..

thurs was at hui hui father's funeral.. i cannot imagine it.. he died so early.. due to cancer.. i feel so sad.. i c the mother so teary.. i felt so upset.. worst things is.. my papa the same age as hui hui papa.. i m scared.. i hope the day will nv come.. i hate n fear death.. y must it take away people/things we cherish.. i still rem the dae i lost my chinchinla..

den after the funeral went to tau pok hse.. didnt noe he was so rich.. lolx.. stayed up at nitex to wagtch A.I, notebook.. didnt manage to finish the notebook.. n didnt get to watch national treasure.. me was angry at kaanthan, dun like it when ppl bully me too muCh.. i noe ppl tink im nice to play wit.. den sometimes they go overboard,, cher was there.. she is super nice lo.. heard the sad story abt her ex though.. carol left fer work in the morning.. yew ming went sch,.. humm.. i wonder when sch starts le will we be able to spent time together anot.. V fun lo when im wit them.. taupok was makin everyone luffin like mad wit him TOO muCH information abt his gf.. he even offer to show the love letters his gf wrote fer him lo. kaoz.. i pity the ger.. wit a bf whu broadcast everythin.. as in EVERythin..

fri we left tau pok hse at 2 sumthin.. den i staraight away went bishan to meet up wit shan they all.. we ate in pastamania.. we had BANANA pizza.. haha.. gossippin n crackin jokes wit them.. we even took photos.. haha.. they neo prints was so nice.. too bad none of us has a workin scanner.. haha.. can was not int the pic though.. she left early.. we shopped til 9 plus n sivan n shan went home.. me n mabel did the same.. we walked to amk lo.. den went to arcade.. hahaX.. v long nv go there le.. i rem those days.. we can use a single credit to finish a game of dinosaur shootin game.. it was fun! bet no gers can shoot like us.. i even won guys wor... heeZ

sat i went NUH,.. i was so careless.. bro eye got prob n i did c his eyes were red few days ago.. juz tat i did not tink it was anythin serious.. he got an eye inflammation.. one eye super red.. n u noe wat.. he DROVE us to the NUH.. wit onli one eye in contacts.. feared fer my life sia.. muahah.. he got no spec sum more.. i do care fer him lo.. tats y i offer to go wit him in the mornin. sis also lo.;. but in the mornin.. he damn bad la.. ask us not to go.. sae he scared wait fer us late.. but we are already DRESSed.. so we insisted on going.. i mean.. when he has problems.. y not share it? is it good to keep it to himself onli?? y is he like tat.. we are a family.. we care fer him.. y must he shoulder all the responsibility.. i relli dunno how n wat to act or sae when im wit him.. it feels so strain.. yet i long to be close to him..

humm.. sch starts on mon le.. i better go prepare le.. bye fer now

u nOe i cAnT sMile wIthOut u!

2005-05-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

hey hey..

todae went to sch do CCGC duty.. kevin tell me yesterdae nite last min de.. heng heng i todae also v free.. so i go lo.. heh heh.. was quite fun la.. was crappin qit kevin n disturbin karen.. LOl.. karen beri fun to disturb de..

humm.. den i went fer doc appointment.. spent abt $300 plus plus.. abit heartpain.. all my work money disappear liaoz.. haha... my doc wanna go into private practice le.. he ask me to ;look fer him in paragon in the future.. he actually quite nice la.. i tink i might look fer him lo..

tml got work again.. these few days alot happened.. feelin troubled.. n i tink i am rather childish.. cannot like tat le.. sch start soon le..

how to drown a fish!

2005-05-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

Todae went shoppin!! Ahaha.. bought a lot of stuff sia, spent abt 90 plus, bought a tube dress, (fer sis weddin) , n a tiny mini shirt.. lol.. dunno y I buy also.. went out wit fen v fun.. she V hyper de.. she also bought a skirt.. longer den mine la.. den got a cute free racer bag..

I nv eat lunch todae.. but still.. I EAT a lot.. muhaha.. I ate the shilin chicken, yami yougurt, ice cream, M and M’s dark choc n pan cake! Fat liaoz fat liaoz.. haha.. share wit fen de la.. haha.. so not so bad..

U noe.. I haf been thinking.. someone ask me sumthin todae tat I tot abt n I tink I can nv slp til I made a decision.. someone ask me stead todae.. he sae he wans to try out fer one dae.. he is my v good fren.. he got a lot of problems in his mind.. last time he used to like me.. n I didn’t noe it.. if I had known n had been wit him.. a lot of things tat happened presently wunt have happened.. being a fren.. I dunno if I can make his request.. I felt tat I can help him.. maybe leave a dae of good memory behind.. but would things still be the same if I accept? Though he sae it is onli fer a dae… I felt tat I cannot look at him in the same way as I do now if I agree.. wat should I do? I dun wanna lose him as a fren..he is a great guy.. relli.. n I dun wanna hurt him in any way.. coz I do care fer him n stuff.. I felt so indecisive.. argghh.. y must things be so complicated??

Taupok is a v good fren I find.. haha.. miss the ppl in camp around.. was tokin on msn n I suddenly sae I miss him.. he stunned… LOL.. coz when I woke up on sun.. I suddenly felt so lonely without all the ppl around me.. so used to them whisperin when I fall asleep.. disturbin me n gossipin abt me.. den I will wake up n sae, “iM not SLEEPIN”,.. lol.. was abt pissed off by elmo though.. I told taupok abt it.. he got explain the situation to me la.. got a better understandin le n I not so pissed off le.. actually he also make me realize a lot of things.. first time ppl come n sae me pretty worz.. lol.. I still tink im V ugly lo.. but he said sumthin to comfort me la.. he said if mel didn’t appear in his life b4, he might ask me out.. haha.. though I noe he is juz comfortin me, it felt good to my ears.. at least sumone had made the effort to comfort.. abit scared of yew ming, he remind more n more of guang de.. taupok sae it’s becoz he dunnoe hoe to tok to ger.. I not sure… during the camp huh.. he acted like guang de lo.. he dunnoe ask me wat, I sae I dunnoe.. den he action want to take the pole n whack me.. I juz sae “ u dare?”, he do it again.. I see le I pissed.. bo chup.. last time in taman negara he wasn’t like tat de.. he shy shy cute cute de.. den dunno y come the change.. me not so comfortable ba.. yesterdae zhi han got add me in msn.. todae tat stupid guang de add me.. den ask me guess whu he is.. so damn stupid lo.. I guessed becoz I noe onli him will make those down sword remarks.. den he msn email still so innocent.. I tot is a ger lo..

U noe huh.. I tink it is juz a passing crush.. I tink my feelings fer tat guy fade liaoz.. so damn fast lo.. to tink I was thinking of confessin.. haha.. I guess I tink too much le.. n he resemble a certain someone I noe in the past v much.. becoz of this ba..

I relli v v v tan sia.. yesterdae one guy from my work place come n ji siao me.. sae I go wrong function room.. shud not be Chinese weddin but the INDIAN weddin.. lol.. remind me of joffre,, he also super duper racist.. I rem the comment he make.. not relli v nice la hor.. den todae b4 I go out my sis ask me to be careful.. will attract a lot of Bangladesh.. hahaX..

I miss the outdoor so much.. wanted to buy a bikini n go sentosa play volleyball or canoeing.. it is juz so great to be doing sports.. but dunno find whu to go wit.. so far I got ask Sharon n sam.. dunno if they will come.. shub not be so soon ba..

I decide le.. I will not agree to the one dae couple thing.. things will change de.. I juz hope he understands.. im so sorri.. u noe huh.. when I tok to him juz now.. n he told me abt his troubles.. I almost cried.. heaven has been unfair to him.. I dun understand.. he dun haf to go thru all this..

Lavenda boss nv call me.. tink it is automatic resignation le.. haha.. also a good thing too.. I dun wanna work in a place I haf no passion in.. at least in banquet I like servin.. I like it when the guest comment on my service b4 they left.. n the ppl ther not bad.. junita, candy n hoe mun they all.. got take care of u de.. junita n hoe mun help me ask fer OT so tat I can earn more money n take free transport home.. I like them lo.. den wen xi live ard me… so we take same bus home de.. den still got tat Raymond.. stupid guy like to ji siao me.. but heng.. at least I noe tat he not interested in me.. coz I lie to him sae I got stead.. hahax.. sumtimes though necessary.. we gers haf to protect ourselves de..
Tml still haf to go sch.. not scared.. coz Kevin sae he give me morning call.. haha.. feel better.. den can check out my mail also.. den tml 3.30 got appointment.. die!

cya expedition camp

2005-05-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

oMg!! it was the most slackeesst yet shagZ camp ever!! :)

let see.. whu do we haf in the camp
full time camper: me, elaine, amanda, hui mei, guo jun, tau pok, yew ming, patricia
three quarter time camper: zhihan, desmond, lionel, geoffrey
half time camper: carol, elmo,
barely there member: guan de

let c., wat do we do? we took a coach to the farm area.. n we trek abit, n we trek some more.. den we long bang.. den we trek.. den we long bang again.. lol.. we are suppose to walk back to sp de.. in the end.. hai..
first nitez we slept in lt11, i was sick during the first nitez.. den air con v cold sia.. didnt sleep much.. elmo fell down doing push up n had a deep cut,he was luffin n bleedin at the same time.. but tat didnt freak me out as much as tau pok was still EATIN when elmo is bleedin.. lol

2nd day abit tough ar.. we trek frm dover to doby gaut.. visit some museum n the civil defence place.. we pitch tent but rain. the tent like wan to fall off.. lol.. den we unpitched.. tmd!! was so cold n wet n east coast park. in the end we BOOKED chalet! muhaha/.. $50 fer one nite.. still okok la.. haha.. at nite me, amanda, guo jun, zhi han n guan de go drink at the pub there.. amanda drink v little.. i drank 2 cups den my facde red le... den zhi han ask us play dunno wat game... turn round n round de,.. gosh.. i was still sick on tat dae lo.. but quite fun la i guess..

3rd dae free n easy... we went cycling, went inside water.. played pool... n alot lo.. at nite super siong! trek all the way frm east coast to sentosa!! arrghh.. i tink my back pack stumped my growth 4eva.. n hor.. so so tired lo.. jialat..
reached sentosa play volley ball!! haha.. n sleep there too.. fun! den weather not good.. so we went home.. me tanned alot sia..

reflection of camp:
i felt tat the people going is not fully committed enuff, they like come as u go, n leave as they pls.. it is not a v nice thing n it disrupt the camp activities abit la.. i serioulsy felt tat durin taman negara we bond more n things werent so confusing.. i hope fer a camp tat actually does meet the objectives abt camping.. i juz dun feel so comfortable with people tat are not as enthusiastic wit the journey.truly, i missed PSL camp

this camp haf the benefits too.. i rem the fun part where we went cycling n also, video takin and volley ball.. i tink i fell in love wit sentosa where so many events are always takin place n lotsa fun n happenin stuff there.. whhoowhee.. but i simply dunno the people tat do share the passion as i do n i cant be doing grp activities alone.

i realise somethin i had nv known or see before durin this camp.. it was perhap the magic of the moment.. or i had juz imagined everythin, yet i came to one conclusion, which troubles me alot.

the facts of life

2005-05-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday had a veri interesting conversation wit andy.. haha.. i crazy de.. go out at 12 at nite.. den tok til 1 somethin.. but it was well worth it.. was tokin to him abt somethin called the definition of living in human terms.. his belief is more spiritual whereas mine was more scientific in a sense.. haha.. i am still wonderin though.. perhap one dae i will find the answer to all the questions..

humm.. was workin recently.. i felt more alive, more independent.. i felt tat i could survive on my own n withstand hardship.. today also got work.. im pleased wit the money i haf earned.. though i noe where it would vanish in a sec.. haha

yew ming contacted me ... den abit weird.. coz he keep askin my question.. n stuff.. abit the irritating ar.. den he asked me out yesterdae.. wanted to watch movie de.. i was tired lo.. but i comply on the condition if he can get more ppl.. in the end he could not.. den i refuse lo.. but he was again so persistant.. still ask me out cycle some more!! gosh, here's one guys whu could not take no fer an ans.. i didnt go la.. was oinkin like a pig the whole dae..

yesterdae channel 5 got deep blue sea! was watchin wit my mom n dad.. like of like the feelin.. so cozy.. everyone juz seat n watch movie together like a real family should.. after all tat happened.. i do cherish n indulge in these simple pleasure.. kinda miss sista though.. everytime she called papa hog the phone.. arrghh..

i chose my gems alreadi wor.. guess wat? effective negotiation skills! i finally got the course i wanted.. hope i can do well.. todae my dear ger sharon bdae.. tml my dearie mabel bdae.. haha..schedule abit packed.. tml was suppose to watch movie wit carol "kingdom of heaven", but hor, mabel wan to go out.. i got residential meetin in sch at 12.. n i still got work at nite!! haha.. how can? either i split myself of i clone myself.. so which option shud i go to? humm.. lol

timetable not out yet.. but i noe my course le.. me going into biotech!yay.. haha.. i am glad indeed..

hey, any ex 408 ppl viewin my blog tag me k? i want to set a date fer a klass gathering.. maybe around dec this year.. jackson sae he plan.. lol.. so i juz need to inform everyone.. sam they all going ns next year le.. if still no gatherin means no more chance in the future le..

:) saw raymond at work yesterdae.. haha.. he is the one whu trick me to take a bus i shouldnt n end up in some unknown area! haha.. but in the end, he got get off the bus n offered to pay fer my cab la.. quite chivalrous i guess.. but it was funni how we get acquaintance though.. den he keep teasin me la... first time i meet him den believe him.. zhen ben!

in work i dun like this manager call neil! he is a skinny assed pig! scolds me fer the stupidest thing.. scold nvm, tell my colleagues fer wat?! makin butt of the joke.. idiot.. next time im standin up fer m,yself.. cannot always kena bully!

todae im workin again.. haha.. dunnoe wen they all workin anot.. sat got candy pei wo.. but todae she not workin.. haix.. she v nice lo.. though she keep on smokin.. but at least i learn alot from her!!

hao le la.. i will be in schtml.. maybe i will get some update fer the farewell.. was surprise terence n thiam hock return testimonial fer me.. i wrote theirs first coz they leavin le mahz.. haha..

will be at expedition camp again frm tml onwards.. muhaha.. lookin forward..

my "training" expedition

2005-05-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

whu the hell invented heels?!! n whu suggested WOMEN shud wear them.. gosh! MEN shud wear them.. at least fer a dae.. c how they tahan...

anyway.. was crazy today.. walked all the way frm bugis to orchard wit amanda todae.. lol.. did shoppin in bugis, suntec, heeren n taka.. nv BUY a single thing.. LOL.. i got control hor.. haha.. no la.. actually yesterdae bought alot of stuff wit prem.. so todae must control.. den mother dae cumin le.. was thinkin of a joint present wit sis to buy mom intense.. abit ex la.. but i dun mind.. but the thing is.. scarly she eat le still wan how?? i will go broke de!! lol.. humm. consider first.

humm.. saw zhi han in bugis todae.. haha.. was surprise he called me by my name.. not banana.. lol.. at least ppl knoe my name.. he asked me abt the expedition.. he going i tink.. humm.. alot of things not yet confirmed.. first of all kaathan haven even sent me the idemnity form.. n i heard frm amanda haf to haf in by this fri.. arrghh

tml result out le!! haha... was so scared.. i flunkin my gems i tink.. jialat lo.. coz i overslept on one of the test.. how stupid can this be..

humm.. this mornin acc my sis go clinic.. she sick lo.. suspected dengue.. den she went thru blood test.. todae collect results... in the end no la.. was not dengue.. whee..
went to this jap resturant named wasabi to eat.. V good sia!! haha.. den on the way home take 159 saw WEE LEONG!! haha.. he so blurZ.. i call him he nv hear.. was too busy lookin fer a seat i tink.. den i call his hp lo.. ask him turn ard.. v bo liao hor.. was surprise he came to seat near me juz to tok.. guess we all grow up le.. was tokin abt the good old daes in sch.. the cold jOkes.. lol.. ermz.. tink he said teck chee bdae cumin soon.. sam, eug n teck chee all in pax A.. haha.. even zhi wei wor.. all v fit ppl.. wee leong sae my sis onli 20 yrs old!! haha.. sis so happy.. she 26 liaoz lo.. still looked young worz

oh ya.. i painted my finger nails BLACK.. haha.. i finally gave in to tat.. fer fun lo.. c how ppl react.. my sis got freak out.. haha.. but when i was shoppin todae hor.. the shop assistance came n sae v nice lehz.. LOL.. dunnoe is lying anot.. mum juz noticed my nails.. she naggin le.. muhaha

ermz.. nuthin much happened.. my sis going to india soon le.. dunno her health can tahan mahz..
kevin super weird! he mag late last nite.. den i was oinkin le... so nv reply.. this mornin i ask him y msg me.. he sae he wan to to watch super sundae coz of romantic love story!! hao siao.. den i suan him sae he watch alone sure lonely.. he reply " i watch until so excited u noe".. heehee.. heng he nv haf my blog add.. if he c sure kill me.. muhaha

grace msge me todae.. dear ger.. miss her so much.. she ask me go cyclin on sat.. humm.. must c first..

todae LEON called me.. so happi.. he quite a nice guy.. sae he will look fer jobs fer me.. though til now not successfull.. still glad that even thougn im slackin.. someone is tryin to look fer job fer me.. muhaha

ermz.. justin msg me yesterdae.. weird weird de also.. i told him i dun believe in love.. den he said somethin abt feelings can be nurtured.. hai.. dunno la

was out wit prem yesterdae.. she is beautiful.. woohoo.. n we bought alot of stuff.. i bought tee shirt, neclaces, hair accessories n black nail polish.. i convinced to put on black nail polish.. c! im good wit ppl..

todae convince guo jun to go expedition camp.. haha.. was so easy! less den 10 mins,.. but scared he bluff me..

2005-05-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

top of the peak.. was so tired.. but happy n satisfied

2005-05-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

haha.. this is the one where i wanna beat tau pok wit my slipper.. haha.. cute

2005-05-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

elaine, me, shaf, cher and carol!! haha.. taman negara rawkZ

2005-05-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

my tdc members!!

2005-05-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

beautiful sun rise

2005-05-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

this is the official farewell dinner fer mrs ong..

2005-05-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

ahh.. a not well taken grp photo.. thx to jasper huh

2005-05-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

wish i were the one standin there

y does fish swims?

2005-05-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

obviously.. i haf run out of titles.. okie la.. dun luff la.. at least im creative!! lol..

tml mama going fer hospital checkup.. i may not be ablt to acc her.. got work lehz.. but boss haven call me yet..

yesterdae watch horror show wit papa.. so fun.. haha.. not scared.. coz it is a stupid show.. ahh.. got ice age too!! haha.. yesterdae i watch tv all dae sia..

todae went to buy chocs.. hoho. me gettin fat. haha.. actualy papa also quite fun to be wit.. i keep pullin him to run home wit me.. juz fer fun.. haha.. funni guy..

yesterdae justin called.. humm.. sounded weird.. he call den nv sae anythin de.. suan le.. i also dun wanna fan him to sae..

samuel called a few days b4.. i keep sayin funni things to him.. tink he freak out le.. muahaha.. i tot him tat his tiao jian bu chuo.. y not look further.. i mean.. he going NS soon liaoz lo.. if nv find gf.. scarly too late le how?? LOL..

true la... i tink abt others.. but i dun wan a bf fer myself ba.. too complicated le.. somemore still hurt by guys.. i tink im gonna make good my promise.. dun wan hubby le..

fuyu nv cum fan me le.. thankz God.. there are times i wish i can meet him up.. not to tok nicely but to STRANGLE him.. he v fan de lo.. kaoz.. i cannot believe there are such ppl in this world.. si bei bo liaoz!

rui wen help me book fer next week le.. these daes alot of ppl gettin married in grand copthorne waterfront.. first is jia hui sis.. den my sis fren.. den my sis hunny fren.. haha.. i abit paiseh to workk.. scarly meet ppl i noe.. den still haf to serve them.. :/

humm.. sheng ask me go clubbin.. lol.. not relli clubbin la.. is dancin lo.. coz his teacher givin lesson in the club.. ermz.. i tink the most i go ther dance lo.. shud not be any trouble de la.. hor? provided sheng dun drink n sent me home.. otherwise ah.. i will haf to ask fer help le.. so far me the onli ger lo.. somemore he ask me to go regularly.. ermz.. relli must consider.. maybe i go first time test out water ba...

receive the pixs fer taman negara.. ahaha.. so funni de.. there was one pix i took my slipper pretendin to beat tau pok wit it.. still waitin fer elaine to sent me the rest.. yesterdae ask ah ma to sent me expedition pix.. she nc sent.. :(

another dae shall passed.. my holidaes gettin shorter le...

dreamz

2005-04-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

i guess im juz paranoid.. i dunno y this happen n i believe everythin happens fer a reason.. im juz v scared..

this morning i woke up wit traces of last nite dream clingin on the the fabric of my brain.. i cud still taste the sorrow n hurt.. n pain.. it is almost unbearable in my dreams.. i believe i cried in sleep again..

this happened fer long.. when my greatest fear emerge to threaten me.. of my comfort zone n peaceful surrounding..

last time.. i dreamed of the death of my grandma.. now is my mum.. how i wish i cub steal.. to steal not materials but life.. i would not steal frm others but frm myself.. to replenish the last wick of life of my close ones..

it was a terrible dreams.. certainly it is not pretty.. but it torched the fear inside me.. i long fer the stroke of assurance.. yet i dared not let myself sink into tat bliss..

i dreamt.. i dreamt of my mum is going fer an operation.. n i cannot go wit her.. i stood helpless in the empty hse of mine.. the absence of her demotes my hse from a comfy warm place to a void.. so empty n cold..

it was scarey.. i fear fer her safety n health.. the essence of her tat was so strong once b4 is no longer the same.. u noe,.. sometimes i juz wanna hug her.. but i dunnoe y, i always restrain myself.. perhaps it is true tat when u grow up, u dun show affection in his way.. i haf been taught frm young tat affection is kept in the heart.. there are so much unspoken words n apologies, n words of appreciation.. tat i cannot express myself freely.. however, i respect my parents.. i respect them fer bringin me up this way..

they sae dreams are often the opposite of reality.. i dun agree.. coz in reality,.. ppl die.. in dreams, ppl die.. isnt it simply the same ple thing?? wat i believe in is... God gave us a warning, a chance fer us to bring the news of the tragedy to the ppl ard us.. everytime i dream i became frightened.. i ask God not to take away the inevitable.. i asked selfishly fer God to let the close ones to stay by my side.. i believe God heard me.. He did, in the sense, helped me.. fer this i thank Him.. i noe tat once my mentality matures, He will not allow such audacity anymore.. so here i am.. nv growin up.. i will nv change my selfish ways.. i wan them to stay.. i relli do..

haf anyone woke up everydae to feel the perspiration runnin down her face, to taste her tears and to feel the heart pound? to feel so helpless.. i once told andy.. a person crys not becoz he or she is sad.. it is because the situation became so irreversible tat the person cud feel nuthin except helplessness.. God, i wish nobody will ever feel the same way as i do.. coz it is not a good feelin..

mom, i love u.

my thoughts n feelings

2005-04-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

i guess im abit xiao qi.. no.. is v xiao qi ba.. kinda frustrated with justin.. dunno la.. seems as if we cannot get along lo.. many things we cannot agree.. n i feel pressured whenever im tokin to him.. im givin this frendship a rest.. the last msg i sent him i mean it.. wo bu xiang make both of us unhappy at the same time.. zhe yang bu hao ba

ah pua msg me yesterdae.. haha. hai hao ta you xiang wo.. lol.. sae going me meet me n sis fer dinner soon.. lookin forward.. this time he treat wor..

humm.. todae josiah msg me.. muahah.. he still rem me wor.. smiles.. tink he break camp le .. den he like v shAgZ.. haha.. is all NS guy like tat?? humm.. anyway.. kinda funni tat we are still in contact.. especially our contact wit each other is pretty brief..

tml me going to stay overnight in elmo hse.. haha.. movie marathon.. so excited!! whee.. papa givin me alot of freedom these days.. i tink he realized he has to let go of me pretty soon.. especially his elder daughter gettin married le.. haha.. little did he realised i will not get married de.. lol.. anyway, i can i quite dong shi ba.. i swear i will not get involved wit guys in a disrespecful manner.. n i trust tat i can do it de.. will not let dad down,, since he kan de qi wo.. lol

recently my third aunt found me after so long!! haha. 12 years no contact le.. she still heng teng wo.. seeing her brought back alot of memories of my grandma.. kinda sad.. i missed her in ways i cannot imagine.. but i guess death is like this.. i had onli admitted this to 2 person in life.. one is kevin, the other is jackson.. i told them my greatest fear n enemy is death.. death separate love ones.. this SUX..

mum lookin better... colours are returin,.. in fact, she look radiant n beautiful.. luv her :)

she going fer operation next week.. God.. grant her protection n health pls..

1B04 chalet 2005

2005-04-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

ahh.. here is another entry.. haha.. speed typin.. coz alot of things happened durin the last week.. taman negara, expedition n also this... chalet!!

orh.. the origin of this chalet.. this chalet was MY idea.. lol.. i ask chun leong to organise since i will be off to many places and is v busy.. do ermz.. kind ah gong went to organise and plan.. n even paid first fer the bookin.. haha.. den i went to the chalet lo.. i made carok wait fer me one n half hour.. i feel so guilty!! but kind and wonderful carol did not get angryu.. *MUAKZ (hope u see this).. haha..

the chalet was INDOOR.. i mean.. relli indoor.. NO outdoor activities at all sia.. they played mahjong the whole dae.. n the whole nite.. n the whole day.. haha.. i got so so bored.. i got play abit la.. but i beri fast den sian le.. we went to eat burger king on our first nite.. i was feelin pretty high.. haha.. was lamin ard.. nasir ask me wat im buyin in BK.. i looked at him.. n sae MAC!! lol.. he abit stunned

den hor... at nite i went to meet chris lo.. like v long nv meet le mahz.. abt 2am like tat.. i was abt to fall asleep when he msg me lo.. ermz.. uh.. he still look the same.. but somethin changed le ba.. gan jue bu yi yang.. i c him, the way he speaks n gow he actually sort of push himself so hard fer money.. i felt abit xin tong.. as a fren.. dun wish to c him like tat.. i mean.. i believe all of us haf a choice.. n the thing is, we are still young.. we shud not carry such a heavy burden.. in society nowadays.. i guess not everyone is so lucky as to be pampered from young.. anyway, my klass mates huh.. V the GOOD wor.. i went out fer 2 whole hours.. from 2am to 4 somethin.. nobody call me n ask abt me huh.. haha.. i tot they will be worried.. but obviously mahjong kept them preoccupied.. if i nv come back huh.. dunno they will call anot!!

the 2nd nite was more crowded.. humm.. got miao cheng, li hua, jinyi, lining, shufen, si min, rui wen, colin, yee xiang, nasir, pearly n bf, jiaxin n gf, chun leong, jia rui, weng hua,carol, christina.. the BBQ was sucessful i guess.. though i the chicken is not marinated well.. n alot of stuff chao ta.. hahaz.. the guys hor.. zhen mei yong!! the fire was started by jinyi lo.. left the gers to do the stuff.. zhu tou!!

alot of us stay overnite.. i rem i was strongly persuadin colin.. lol.. the gers was talkin abt ghost stories.. the guys mahjong.. left me n carol oinkin.. hahaX.. but i am NOT sleepin.. lol.. whenever they catch me i will sae tat

haha.. these ppl dunno when will c them again.. klassmates fer one year. shared good n bad times together.. not relli v close but still manageable.. abit sad but also excited to meet next klassmates next semester!! hahax

tats all.. miss 1b04.. we rawkZZ// *cheerX!

expedition trip wit the spac2go

2005-04-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

the expedition trip ar.. was so so lahz.. was not as fun as the taman negara.. but hai guo de qu la.. todae elmo ask me to go fer another expedition trip cumin up in the 18th.. i agreed.. since the ppl going are from the taman negara trip also.. i tink i fall in love with outdoor n camp le.. muhaha

oh ya.. back to the topic, the expeditiion camp.. the weather was so so so damn HOT.. n u noe wat is the 1st activity when i arrived? yes.. SAND buildin.. i cud swear i had my brain baked.. or rather.. my skin chao da le.. lol.. it was fun though.. den we played alot of volleyball in our free time.. i tink im hooked onto vollet ball le.. quite fun!! haha.. daniel got teach me abit here n there la.. so still can manage..

ya.. den we got activities like utimate frisbee.. onli tis time it is the captain ball style.. fun too!! but i guess v tiring.. the gers ar.. alot of them sick lo..so left v little gers play onli.. den the guys not v the uh.. gentlemen la.. can bang ger to snatch the ball de.. rough sia

the night walk was COOL.. but the onli thing is huh.. they did not ermz.. look out fer red ants.. wahz.. kena alot alot sia.. den we were all blind fold lo.. so cannot c.. den v funni.. zhen long tell ghost story.. the paddle pop story.. heard b4 i tink..

got one game quite fun.. i tink call the twisters ah.. funni lo.. all of us in v awkward positions.. haha.. but in the end huh.. the competitive spirit goes overboard.. den spoil the game lo.. hai.. y ppl like tat de.. y must they be so competitive.. it is juz a game mahz.. everyone shub not cared abt the result.. but the process..

ar.. still got wat ar.. oh ya.. on the last dae v the bad.. coz got a bunch of malays come n find trouble.. v bad lo.. coz they ar.. take our things and they play some kind of drummin all nite.. we all cannot sleep lo.. den they got drink beer also.. gettin high i tink.. i was worried.. i nv sleep the whole nite.. was tokin cork wit thiam hock terence they all.. next dae i super shagZ lo.. when they go picture takin i sian diao.. haha.. if pix out le i sure look v ugly de..

u noe hor.. i tink throughout the camp.. it is more like a leisure camp.. because i tink too much free time le.. n not all the ppl actually participate in the activities.. somehow it seems like they haf a choice like tat.. n when we eat.. it is not together.. we go to hawker center.. n MAC.. whoever heard of camp ppl go mac to eat de??!! so weird rite?

me crave for those tough tough survival camp sia.. i hope there is more physical stuff lo.. i want some kind of adventure i guess... taman negara did fulfil my thirst.. but now i hunger fer more.. haha.. im a freak i noe!!

humm.. enuff of these le.. overall.. i dun require anythin frm the camp fer my nyaa or otherwise.. most importantly is i enjoy the camp.. the most fun part is the one where i actually waited fer the sun rise.. haha.,.. so fun.. sittin there wit the sea breeze n waitin.. though it was abit disappointin cdoz of the thick clouds.. but it is the 1ST time fer me to watch sun rise wor.. n another fun part was where we had the BBQ.. haha.. i made cheese TOAST!!!
they actually doubt my idea of cheese toast.. den dun dare to buy much cheese.. but it is relli nice lo.. ask frankie.. he ate 2 of my toast sia.. haha.. the food was not bad.. i had the most marshmallow on the day than in my whole life.. muhaha.. den we got diana n daniel to act fer us.. super funni!! heeZ.. kevin n i hosted a friendship dance n a game after them.. called husband n wife i tink.. cute..

humm.. dunno y?? i tink maybe too long nv contact le.. kevin seemed v distant frm me lehz..
in the camp we nv tok de lo.. onli when the time we host the dance we got communicate.. now it seemed even weird to sae hi to him in sch or outside.. guess some friendship does get diminished my time..

on the camp i saw nasir and the cls ppl.. they come n do forfeit.. lol.. the watermelon, banana, cherry and rambutan forfeit.. i bet nasir was damn pai seh when he saw me lo.. haha.. anyway, i enjoyed luffin at him.. (evil)

hao le.. tats it fer the expedition .. in the meanwhile.. juz wanna announced tat my voice come back le.. MUHAHA..

taman negara!!!

2005-04-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

hahax.. taman negara super fun lo!!! i got to noe a bunch of super fun ppl.. haha.. got ahh.. dumbass andrew, elmo kaathan, elaine, you min lo.. we the six of us sia, tok cork alot.. haha
whenever dumdass and elmo get together, i cry.. coz LUFF too much.. ahhaah..
well, they did call me banana throughout the whole journey sia.. make me feel so bad.. LOUSY ppl.. lol
true to sae, these bunch of ppl relli colour my trip.. they are so fun lo.. i rem on the first nite.. kaanthan n andrew CARRY their beds frm their hotel to our room!! we sort of got a big shock
!! haha.. everyone was like " WAT THE HELL DO THEY TINK THEY R DOING" .. haha.. tat night was supposed to be dai da nitez. but we all fell asleep in the end.. zhen mei yong!! haha, but we sort of watch dragon heart, nice show!!
oh.. we went to this bat cave.. so small tat we had to crwl sia.. ahh.. was in serious DEEP SHITx.. lol.. got bat shit all over the body.. slipped a few times too.. in the end, the sight was awesome, we ended up seeing bats so DAMN close to our face..., haha.. alot of the gers was screaming! :o

we went to trek a few times, i rem one time we went to a mythical lake, the place was majestic! we went swimmin! lol.. i kept sayin i NOE how to swim but in actual fact i DUNNO.. haha.. in the end , the guys LUff at me la.. so mean rite? anyway, they throw stone at the water n it bounces.. cOOl, i rem xan tried teachin me la.. but failed.. haha.. den we gers went to the rocks n sit down, the guys joined us.. stupid la.. they were tokin abt some digustin things.. but it was funni though.. all of us would like to stay there longer de.. but hor, the other grp of ppl, eric and his klassmates i tink, they wanted to leave.. hai.. wasted.. but it was relli funnio.. on the way back they call me a BLUE MUTATED BAnana.. gosh.. how corny can they get!!! arrghh

2nd nites was not so fun fer me coz i kept fallin asleep.. tink body cannot tahan le.. so like tat.. initially they super evil.. wans to put toothpaste on me/!! haha.. heng i woke up coz im NOT sleeping.. n told them a super sad story.. lol.. curoius abt the sad story? orh.. it was a small thing actually la.. coz some guys like guan de and xan that grp carry the banana joke abit too far liaoz, tell abt very digustin things, den i abit not happy lo.. haha.. but after all, they got apologise la.. so HAPPY ending! at least things didnt turn bad la.. den in the end we all still FRENZ! it was kinda funni if u tink back though.. they create a banana song... lol.. changin the lyrics of xiao wei..

oh ya.. got the BBQ!! haha.. was so fun.. i attempt to cook.. the stupid chef keep luffin at me!! all i did was to take away his tongs without tellin him mahz.. n though the hot dog was uncooked.. ther is no reason fer him to luff.. n though i did not properly handle the utensils n gave up halfway, he shud not luff.. LOLX.. okie lo.. so i gRoofed.. but every1 does tat once in awhile, ritez?

relli missed the grp of ppl tat went to the trip.. n i mean everyone whu has went.. im tryin to get back all of their contact.. but tink it is abit impossible.. humm.. so far im onli in contact wit the 5 of them and of coz shaf.. this trip i got to noe shaf more n i find tat she is a V nice person too! i got closer to carol too.. even though we are klassmates fer one yr le.. this time is some serious bonding. you min was so funni! the silent killer.. he is alot of fun too but he hide it initially la.. kaathan and andrew shub go n act sia.. clown ppl! elaine was funni too, she take alot alot alot of pictures!

thats abt it la, nuthin much.. it was sad we cannot go back to the past.. n the ppl there we noe during the short period of time will nv come together each and single one again as ther will not be any opportunities in the future. but right now i still grasp on to the memories and the joy and laughter. love the sun, love the place.. it was pure magic.. n thank u fate, fer puttin us together and made it simply the best experience!

todae math exam!

2005-04-04T19:53:00.000-07:00

now in sch.. doing math.. but slackin now.. lolx..
i did all the past year paper le.. now nuthin to do le.. ermz.. maybe except for a few question.. or rather.. alot more?? lolx

yeaterdae v sian.. was sick.. came down with a stupid flu.. ya.. den was at home oinkin.. nv study much.. ya.. den i tink alot of ppl sick lo.. coz my fren call me also sick.. jialat.. stupid weather

humm.. abit nervous fer todae exam.. or rather.. VVV nervous la.. nv sleep the whole nite lo.. i go to bed at 11pm.. lie there til 3am.. den 7++ woken up my my fren's fren!! kaoz.. he v kiasu lo.. lolz.. he call me THREE times though i got ans his call lo..
he call 1st time.. i went back to slp la.. 2nd time.. i woke up le.. but he call THIRD time to make sure.. lolz.. v funni lo.. actually todae meet weng hua they all plannin to b v late de.. but in the end still arrive quite early...

me mum going to c doc.. n her operation date is cumin le.. i quite scared la.. i hope she is okie.. ermz.. yesterdae she suddenly look so so small to me.. kinda vulnerable..

jun min msg me last nite ask me bring watch todae.. touched la.. tat got so many ppl actually cared abt my exam lo.. even papa cook breakfast fer me todae worz!

hahaz.. hao le la.. got ppl seeing i write blog now.. abit paiseh.. write other time..

hao wu liaox ahz..

2005-03-31T00:32:00.000-08:00

hao men ahz.. me in sch now.. pia-ing my math.. so far not much progress.. onli on to the third paper.. but not bad wor.. at least i've started!! ahah..

many ppl complain i nv update blog liaox.. now i try to prove them wrong muHaha.. but forgive me la.. i got examz ard the corner lo..

humm.. yeaterdae went downstair to tok to andy.. we kinda in a bad state lo.. coz i tink nuthin is going right in our way..

humm.. tat fuyu contact me again.. arrghh.. i told him im not interested le.. but he still sae he wanna wait.. crazy la.. he v superficial lo.. dun even noe me sae he like me.. this kind of ppl huh.. shub be shot sia!!

humm.. yesterdae i bad mood lo.. den i tink im kinda rude to justion.. if u r reading, i apologose wor.. haha..

humm... tml go back DEYI! yay! haha.. going wit san, shan n sivan.. mabel dunno got go anot.. need to buy kexin present also.. not bad sia.. she 21 le.. haha.. feel so excited fer me.. 21 can do alot of things already lo!:)

ermz.. den last sat and sun was workin lo.. sat was so horrible.. kena bullied by the china ppl and the aunties.. i felt like quittin right den.. but in the end nv la.. dun worri.. but sundae was heaven.. i get paid fer juz standin there.. dun even haf a table lo..

humm.. sis going to take outdoor pic tml!! so excited fer her!! she must haf look v v v pretty! mom is going hospital tml.. papa will acc her i tink.. humm.. i tink i shub go too.. but i promise san they all i go sch le.. dunnoe la.. not decided yet!!

my stupid gems teacher.. i call him so many times lo.. even left a msg in his voice mail.. he dunno how to call back de ah.. arrghh.. i wan to take my gems test.. otherwise fail module le lar!!

hao le.. i need to go off le.. dunno when will write again.. but dun worri.. i will still write in my kbusiness planner.. lolx

im freed

2005-03-09T21:28:00.000-08:00

haha... me going to TAMAN NEGARAwith carol, dunnoe pearly going anot.. haha.. so so glad.. tml i will register..

humm.. im glad! these days kinda turn out fer the better fer me.. humm.. glad he found someone he relli like and also, glad tat im studying now, glad tat i found a job now, glad tat my sec sch frenz are going out wit me on SAT! haha.. i wun mention whu though.. coz i tink i told too many ppl abt my blog le.. scarly they read sia.. lol
me now in the sch lirary.. nuthin better to do.. actually wanted to do idea de.. but hor.. seems like my grp cannot agree on a model.. so ferget it lo.. wahha

thia sat i start work wor! so excited.. boss called me last nite ask me to work.. he hor.. relli like pushin me lo.. if he wans me to work.. he HAS to tell me in advance lo.. i cannot go on cancellin my appointment because of him..

hao le.. i go do my cell bio le.. kbyeZ fer now! cheerX

my rest dae!

2005-03-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

wahz.. todae slept til 2pm.. lol.. papa tryin to get me out of bed frm morning.. finished sidney sheldon! great writer.. kept me so captivated fer 3 daes.. humm.. abit lazy todae.. was lisenin to my blog song over n over again!

todae is special, i woke up feelin well rested! lol.. of coz, slept fer 10 hours. todae i got time to spent, which is a rare phenomenon.. gotta rem to collect my contact lens later in the evening, or maybe, in the afternoon.

i tink my face crackin le.. shub not go out in the sun so often.. was thinkin of going joggin todae.. humm.. maybe later..

next week i tink i haf alot of free time too! coz i will not be havin any practical on fri n thursdae.. muhaha.. can date my frenz out fer lunch le! humm.. need to have my sch fees settled.. dunno whether the interview i went yesterdae is successful, they require me to bun up hair, eww!

hahaz, must remind jia xing or sam to get my 'spirited away' vcd ready.. lookin so so forward to watchin it..

u noe wat, i kinda miss the times i work in mac, hahaz.. wat was i thinkin.. but it is not bad mahz, having a 2nd home so near to u.. i start to feel the strain of my age recently, i tink i lao le, how?

there are still so much things i haven do yet, yet to experience my youth.ermz, juz kiddin la..

i feel like going to malaysia in my hols, but not wit my family, was thinkin of my frens instead.. but in the end, whu will actually go? humm, going is not a prob i tink, its organisin ba.. i wan to go taman negara! a place full of outdoor sports n nature.. how do u feel abt wakin up in the morning to watch the sun rise up upon the wide expanse of mountains? where the breeze carries a hint of forest and damp fog.. humm..love the place, and of coz, the 5 thousand yr old cave where satactite n salactite grew, the ancient of the rocks and stones and the deep respect fer the longetivity of the Gods.. everythin there sort of overpower u, u feel so insignificant and primitive, the potential of danger excites u and thebrought fear.tat is the nature part, as for the sport, u get to do rapid shootin and hikin, n of coz, bamboo raftin and lots more. u hike to the top of the mountain, drink frm the stream there which is deeply enriched wit minerals, the freshness and crisp feelin the the air u breath in. humm, if i carry on, i tink i make a good writer fer the catalogue of taman negara, lolx.. btw, if anyone happened to read my blog and happen to be a nature lover n happened to be deeply mesmerised by the propect of going to the place, tag me k? regardless of whu u r..

hitch!

2005-03-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

hey guess whu i went out wit todae?! hahax.. suprisingly samuel.. lolx.. finally pass him his present le.. hope he like it lo.. haha
we went to watch hitch todae worz.. some more sit 1st row! neck super suan lo.. humm..hitch is not bad, v funni lo.. but the thing huh, too draggy la.. aiya, should haf watch howl's moving castle instead..
humm, saw alot of ppl todae sia.. gary they all, maryann xiao en chu lan they all. gary hair, v er xin lehz.. haha, even samuel dun wanna c them, so we nv play pool lo.. we walk out of the place after tat.. ya lo, todae everywhere super crowded!

in the ead, felt tat sam n me feel the same way abt frenz.. coz all disperse liaox.. aiya.. miss the good old sch daes.. everyone grown up le i guess.. n tat is not neccessary a good thing...

humm, went fer a job interview todae, met up wit rui wen!
haha, she so nice, accompany me and wait fer me, we haf lunch, it was awesome, talk n talk n talk tat she late fer meetin her frenz.. haha.. feel paisae..

boss actually ask me to work todae de! i promise him i will.. coz i yesterdae nv go also,.. so jialat, wonderin when he firing me.

tml will be a dae of rest, and projects.. i promise myself to study hard.. exams coming le! kinda tired, wan to slp but i wan to watch the ghost movie lehz.. lol.. torturin myself, yesterdae slept at 4 like tat lo.. was rushin proposal n heng heng chris help me edit sia.. lol.. we somemore converse in cantones in msn wor! nat first not so pro, now ermz.. okie la..

i had a pleasant dae
oh ya! tml must go n c get the student pay in slip... must pay b4 9th of march!

perhaps, things are no longer the same anymore

2005-03-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

y am i so stupid??
y am i so blur?
y am i so bitter?
i shouldnt be.. i mustnt and a cant!!
rite??? WRONG

i kinda dun relli noe how to describe the feeling.. of being left alone when all u wan is a hug, some form of affection, some care and concern.. i dun quite understand y everyone gets the idea tat leavin time to cool down, to cry or to reflect is a good idea.. i seriously dunno

i juz want someone to understand me, to noe the tears behind my smiles, to look deep into my emotions and to care.. perhap i asked for too much.. am i??

well.. too much of the bad stuff.. lets talk abt the GOOd ones instead! humm.. i met up wit my primary sch bestfriend yesterdae! she hor.. n her frens huh.. trick me lo.. haha.. her hp low batt mahz, she ask her fren to call me n the fren impersonate her.. call me AH XUAN some more.. no one calls me tat lo.. except fer fen.. den hor... i so stupid, somemore tok to her as if she is fen.. lol.. i tink fen matures alot n i tink she is the BEST ger fren i ever had. she so nice and innocent tat all u wan is to protect her! n in a way she is so vulnerable, she cannot sae no to anyone.. if u force her, she will burst into tears. i rem the good old times in sch.. where we used to write letters everydae to each other. so SWEEt rite? den she will knit somethin exqusiten delicate fer mE! i would be so over the moon.. hahax.. if im a guy huh, i will die die go after her!

i miss 915!! i miss the sr days where we skip lesson.. kena catch for late coming and hair dye colour.. n bluffing the teacher tat we nv bring tutorials.. hahaz.. n the ultimate, NAPPing in lectures.. oh.. let me introdue this 915 ppl.. the history or rather pioneers of this gang of fren started with 4 ppl, me, ren cui, joanna n gillian.. haha.. me the youngest in there la.. den we recuited a "jie MEI' , turn out to be a guy though named shawn,.. haha.. y i suddenly tok abt them.. is becoz i MIss them and also, they asked me out todae, shawn treat.. but too bad, i was involve in duty at jae todae..

anyway, tats all fer todae.. im going fer an interview tml, haf to find $$ to support myself,.. sch fees cumin le.. wish me luck!

bad dae

2005-02-27T09:04:00.000-08:00

went shopping with prem todae.. was so happy to c her.. we exchange alot of gossip n updates.. we had a perfectly fine noon until we came to Giodano..
no, we did not quarrel la.. but she lost her wallet.. kinda sad lo.. fell so sorri fer her.. went wit her to somerset to make police report.. drag until 10 sumthin lo..
it was not such a good dae after all.. but i do hope she will find her wallet though.

humm..
sometimes i dun quite nunderstand ppl.. the things they said and the things the did totally oppose.. i dunnoee.. i figured out i cant trust words anymore.. it is so true tat action speaks louder den words.. n the thing wit ppl nowadaes is tat they take promises lightly..

tml sch start again.. sian.. i noe i must buck up soon.. been down in the dumps lately.. humm.. the duty slot fer jae was mixed up.. my name isnt in it.. sob..

there was once a ger whu lived in a veri protected world.. den one dae, all the shields and protection she had juz crumpled away.. so rapidly tat she didnt evern c it cumin.. she was in shocked.. the ones she loves, the things she cherish and the life she used to noe vanish.. she felt so so alone n abandoned.. things didnt get better though.. her studies was affected.. she no longer became sure of herself, her existence in this world..

'maybe it is a mistake? a nightmare? or some prank?" she thought, she indulge herself in the unrealistic world where all the sorrows, pain and heartaches were juz bubbles waiting to be burst.. she laid herself onto needles and prick.. she was so heartbroken she no longer fell.. she bled.. n her blood flows in a straight line.. she didnt die of coz, she was juz hurtin herself, to make it seem like she is alive, since she can no longer feel emotionly, at least physical pain is a comfort.

haha.. fee like writin stories..
to be continued.. CYNTHIA the great author.. huh.. ilike the sound of it..

cynthia strikes again!

2005-02-25T06:39:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder how many times God must make us fall n get up again.. n sometimes i wonder if the intention of the Mighty one is to let us get up.

todae v suai.. haha.. i skip klass fer 'O' level sch leaver counsellin.. but the parents nv cum lo.. yesterdae i force my sis to bring hm laptop so i can find extra informaation de.. so wasted..

ms angelvin sae i speak chinese too much! huge impact lo.. coz i noe i dun.. coz i noe i try to converse in english to my klassmates, frenz, club members.. hao da de da ji wor.. haha..

todae i tink i offend my boss.. i go to work but i nv put my heart in them.. even had a conflict with my client.. i dun tink i am indispensable anymore coz boss hire new ger le.. i shub find another job.. hai~

went out to shop with sis todae.. saw a jeans i relli like.. tryin to psycho my sis to buy it 4 me.. wahaha.. i tink im halfway crazy le.. sometimes i tink i tok to myself.. cannot like tat la... haha

sundae meetin up with prem! yay.. luv her.. bez fren 4eva

tired...

2005-02-21T19:44:00.000-08:00

ahh.. lips bery dry.. eat too much steamboat liaox.. must go n buy lip balm.. hai.. but no time lo.. good news though.. my mum is recovering.. might not haf the operation after all coz her eye swell is not so serious le.. hahax.. thanks to many fren fer concern though.. especially premma! haha.. she relli got give me moral support lo.. hehe.. meetin her this fri! yay

ermz, things in sch is gettin boring lo.. haha.. i keep dozing off in lesson.. nv learn anythin la.. n hor, tml is my main comm interview.. lots of luck to me k? lol.. kinda scared.. haf to face ms angelvin again..

i tink i am recoverin too.. meanin im climbin up again after the "fall".. however.. maybe not as good n new as b4..

my lao ban ahzz.. he du lan wit me le.. go n hire another telemarketer.. jialat.. though he haven fired me yet la.. but hor.. think v soon le.. haiya.. haf to find job le..

okie la.. got to go fer lesson le.. lol.z.. later still got aerobics... after tat haf to go visit mum.. that's all! good day!

steamboat fiesta!

2005-02-20T01:49:00.000-08:00

growin fat liaox.. hahax..

yesterdae eat steamboat, todae eat steamboat n tml also.. sianzz... ahah

yesterdae was the poly 50 ppl go fer marina steambaot.. 18 of us sia, occupy 4 tables..

humm, whu got go ahz.. penny, winnie, hui xian, hui ying, diana, wei li, kevin, zhen long, fu cai, edison, gerald, kang min, terence, alex yr 2, bernard, said, daniel, senior lilian n jean, jasper n his gf.. ahh.. more den 18...

okok lo.. quite fun also, after tat we go play pool.. haha.. won fu cai n edison.. they go in black ball la.. lost to bernard though.. heng ahz.. play til quite late.. can still catch last train

todae ahz.. now in jian ji hse, they play mahjong.. i dun wanna play le.. i keep winnin de.. sian.. lol.. nv gamble la.. later eat steam boat.. abit hungry le wor.. hee.. this mornin til now onli eat curry puff..

mom condition not improving.,.. i feel so selfish.. but i relli cannot bring myself to be by her side always.. look at her i heart pain.. the staff in tts not good de lo.. ahh.. so frustrated at them.. they like heck care abt my mom.. being tryin to convince my mom to change to b ward.. but she dun wan.. sae her company will pay if she is in c ward.. not true lo.. her company will pay if she at b ward too lo... y lao ren jia so stubborn de??

n my father.. qiao cui heng dou.. wat can i do?? now i thinkin abt quittin sch.... i mean, papa n mama try so hard to save is becoz of me the burden.. sis gettin married le.. kor kor going 29 lle lo.. left onli me they cannot fang xin.. if i dun study.. if i work.. maybe i can support myself.. they dun haf to pay fer me sch fees n all le rite?? dunnoe.. i feel so selfish.. wat am i??

i tot i could get up after the fall... y must it happen again??

going crazy

2005-02-16T18:34:00.000-08:00

so much to do..

i tink i meddle into things too much at times... feelin stress.. y does everyone ask me things which i DUNNO how to answer.. i dun like the pressure given to me, especially when i am not in charge... feeling abit annoyed lo..

my papa go temple n chui qian fer me.. it is a good one, thank God.. but i fear fer my mom..
yesterdae nitez she sae her eye v pain... that relli strikes, maybe i fear too much.. but my grandma did pass away after a phone call saying her eye hurts..
y izzit like this?? my mom still on the way to recovery.. i dun wan anythin to go back again.. it hurt me to c how vulnerable n small she is..
no longer i feel the protection she used to give me.. but i feel the need to protect her instead..

humm.. i miss my spp frenz.. long nv c them le..

still abit depress these days..
i shouldn't feel this way.. but i cannot help it.. life has been so grey..

fell guilty fer sumthings i nv explain properly to the other party.. i hate to do this but i dun haf the courage to confront it.. i juz hope time will heal everythin.. n i wan to leave no scar.

sch start liaox!

2005-02-14T00:19:00.000-08:00

todae went to sch.. late as usual.. lol
the bus driver hor, he tink he drivin tortoise car izzit.. ppl walk also faster den the bus lo.. somemore got jam.. arrghh..
todae gems teacher change liaoz.. hai, if i had known, i skip todae lesson, the anatomy of the eye, last time in sec sch bio got learn lo..
humm, tml i will noe my blood test result le.. the med the doc prescibe me sux, make my stomach churn n uncomfortable. i tink i feelin weaker takein thoes med.. somemore so ex..

fell asleep twice todae in klass todae..
happy v dae
i go off liaaoz. tata

siAnded

2005-02-12T20:57:00.000-08:00

humm, juz went to eat breakfast cum lunch wit sis, sis bf n papa. wahz.. full sia..

later i going library liaoz, need a head start on homework, i lazy pig hor, eat n slp. nv exercise, nv study. so todae no excuse le, mUST study,

yesterdae went river ang bao wit mama n sis, wahz, there v happenin sia. so much to c, got cai shen ahz, rooster ahz, n china traditional goods la. i saw someone, my sec sch fren, she sellin ren shen worZ, can u believe it, but aiya, i forget her name liaoz, np de, tink n shi sumthin. memory v bad ahz me. she look super mature lo. like some wu shu ppl. lol

as usual, i tink im fallin down down n down. i need to get up some how. im lying to myself n ppl whu cares abt me. sis dream tat i died. i tink i might too.. dunno y.. i tink somehow, these days, my luck not good, so is my karma. wat should i do?
God, i need u.

i miss the ppl i dun c often. suddenly i feel like my world is crashin. n seeing then has become a need for mr, not juz a desire. if i relli died, i wanna all my dream fufilled.

my 1st entry

2005-02-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

*clap clap

this is cynthia. i haf sort of abandon my last blog. coz not i create de.
this blog is me me me! lol
todae i went to watch CONSTANTINE! haha.. with hui xian, thiam hock n alex. yup, the show is awesome, got to c my fav movie star, the guy frm matrix!btw, he look damn good in a suit, humm, guys shub all dress like tat, this shub be made a law! lol
den hui ying n diana join u. we went to hui xian hse. ahh.. i jealous of her bedroom, n can u believe it, she got HELLO kitty phone!! sob sob.
haha, her parents v nice ppl..like them lots. i keep bullyin hui xian when playin bluff though.. lol
at night, i went to meet my cat, jia hui, she so cute. haha
i saw jun ni! my perfect sec sch fren. miss her like crazy. she prettier le wor
miss my bezfren premma, she like ferget ,me liaoz.. hai~~
nvm, tml i must start stuyin le, sch startin soon, sun wanna be the last in klass.. lol