+February 2005+
+March 2005+
+April 2005+
+May 2005+
+June 2005+
+July 2005+
+August 2005+
+September 2005+
+October 2005+
+November 2005+
+December 2005+
+January 2006+
+February 2006+
+April 2006+
+May 2006+
+June 2006+
+July 2006+
+August 2006+
+November 2006+
+January 2007+
+February 2007+
+June 2007+
+February 2008+
+May 2008+
+October 2008+
Friday, February 15, 2008
he obviously hates me..
i felt so guilty in wat i had done..
However, i cant hide things from him forever, its onli fair to him tt i let him noe..
he dun understand wad im going thru..
i hope one dae he will.. n lives will go on normally from there..
todae i went to watch jumper.. omG.. it was so nice!! im so jealous of the person's abilty to teleport to anywhere else in the world..
he has no cares and he lead a wonderful life.. i always wanted to get out of sg too!! when i find a place to settle i will migrate.. com'on.. if u wanna haf a dream.. u might as well dream BIG!
tml im going for facial den at night going my fren hse for a gathering.. my precious weekend is so filled up..
ine thing guo jun dun understand is.. Reeves is jealous of him at tt time.. he asked me to stayed wit him.. n i did attempted to leave him 2 times... within a mth 2 times is alot.. but he was v insistent he even asked me to marry him.. i guess a was naive n stupid den to stay with him..
the reason he break up wit me was obvious as well.. which guy wanna date someone whu is attached.. everythin they do is in the shadows.. when he left me, he said tt he was simply guilty.. he did nt wan a relationship like tt.. at tt time even though his ex came back to him he was skeptical as he was unsure of what to do..
i met up with him recently.. in fact he asked me to be with him.. til the moment i leave sg fer aussie.. i told him i will nv be his... but i will be there when he need my help.. tis is the promise i hold true to all my ex..
right at this moment im closest to my ex colleage alvin ba.. he actually understands wad im going thru even he does nt share thinkin wit him.. the diff wit him n guo jun is, he actually listens to me..
nahz dun worri.. there is no chemistry between us.. juz like me n samuel.. pure frens.. yet we cared alot abt each other den normal frens coz we help each other when they r at their weakest..
i was there for sam when he cried over a ger.. i was there when alvin break up wit his ex.. my presence may seems insignificant but the slightest concern to them cud mean a whole lot more.. juz like alvin is helpin me now..
Darren did asked me out todae... i turned him down.. i simply cannot face him at tis moment.. i feel pressurised.. i tink he will pop the question askin me to be his ger even though i turned him down b4.. but i was attached den..
yest was v dae.. i rejected dates,.. i went hm instead.. it was then he msg me.. he seemed so disappointed in me.. boi im relli sorri.. i didnt noe wad came over me then.. it's juz tt i felt so alone i guess.. u were not ard.. maybe a single mistake means everythin to him.. all thoes suitors i turned down coz of him simply doesnt count..
the fact tt i even tone down my guy frens.. sacrifice all my sat for him doesnt count.. i worked 85% of my life.. not a moment is wasted but coz of him i cleared one full sat for him.. i lived a tough life.. dun u see?
i didnt expect myself to be appreciated but i dun understand y he condemned me so much.. i noe he feel hurt but i do feel hurt too.. countless times.. especially the time when i sat beside him on the bus n i cried but he didnt even know tt im cryin.. it seems like even though i am beside him, his mind drift a thousand miles apart.. n trust me.. there r potential suitors with better qualities but i turned them down too..
reeves was coz he is v stubborn being the only son in the family n was v persistent in havin me as his ger..
plus, reeves is nt the reason y i break up wit him.. it wasnt even part of the reason.. he said he cry every night when he sleep.. at least he did sleep.. does he realise i cant? the agony of going thru everydae without sleep n workin long hours..
i cant sleep.. the medication i took is too strong.. the effect is like alcohol.. it makes my heart beat v fast, temp goes up and hypertension occurs.. i haf been thru hell.. by myself..
i ran away from my family is coz they dun understand either.. guys.. juz becoz i LOOK alrite doesnt mean tt i am.. the whole nite i lie down on bed in fear of death.. my chest was hurtin so much den.. i cried,.. but i nv went to slp.. i simply cant..
we should juz get on with our lives, shouldnt we?
he said he might go US, i onli wished him all the best.. he will succeed.. for i noe every bit of him.. i even nOe wad he is thinkin sometimes
omGG.. y is my blog revolving ard him..
i need to stop tt
cynz u r obsessed..
next mth i will stop my mind cafe work.. its too taxing to my health.. i need to get out in the sun more often.. get in touch wit my natural self..
maybe alvin will acc me.. i feel so comfortable wit him n my bunch of colleagus at work.. though they disturb me everydae callin me 'monster' n 'pu tao'.. i simply adore them.. they cheer me up so much in their own little ways..
after the movie jumper we went to sing.. stupid uncle wunt let me pay fer anythin.. movie tix, drink, cab fare all these..
next mth i will ne auntie cynz.. stupid frens keep sayin i cant look after small children.. humm.. wad if i could?? bleahz.. cynz will prove it to u!! i guess a gt a stubborn streak in me.. kevin nOes tt.. last time he confide to penny tt he tot v highly of the ger whom he saw as independent..
ash has been a wonderful support too.. *clap clap.
he was one person i nv feel shy abt askin for help n comfort.. coz he is a nice person and gave v good advice..
+ [CyNz] remember agains + 11:49 AM
