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Monday, May 01, 2006
In this small tiny weeny world.. There are lots of diff kinds of ppl. Some choose the path of light, to open up their heart to the world of strangers, to feel thoroughly the hurt and pain, to experience the worlf of heartaches and joy. They are brave ppl. There are also cowards ard too.. ppl that closed up their heart so tight and refuse any form of love or hate. They lived the constant lives of no ups and no downs.
While some, are juz not satisfied wit the two choices, the took up the third.. to steal joy away from others, so that their lives are more fulfilling, more wonderful and they happily dwell in this so called ‘decepti0n’.
I shan’t name the ppl.. those were the ones I cared deeply for and still do. In fact, I dun blame them, but I juz cant get over the hurt and pain that would not allow the flowing tears on my cheeks to stop..
Im a ger.. Im strong but not thick skinned. Im independent but I need ppl. Im happy but also easily hurt. I forgive but I cant forget. This is whu I am,.. I cannot help it.
Imagine this scenario, two person u really cared abt whom do not really noe eacxh other starts becoming best friend. They shared a bond building common topic. And of coz, that is “U”. u cannot escape of the teasing, makin joke out of ur own expense. One of them did it to make herself feel better, superior, devoidin u of the right to joy u have and the other, tryin so hard to make an impression. They said I look fat and old. Let me remind u.. im a ger..
It wasn’t one sentence, or one single attempt, not even only on one occasion. It was constant and always.. without fail. If the two parties is both gers, maybe I wun take it so strongly, but one of them is a guy. What will a ger feel? If the guy is someone she cared abt ? someone whose always there when in need, a shoulder to cry on, someone whom she will so anything for him to stay friends wit him, even letting down her strong wall of pride and apologise when necessary. He was part of the pillar of her strength, he can take credit fer whu she is todae.
And another, a ger, close as sisters. she loved her, in her own way, maybe she was nv expressive, she tinks fer her, she cared and as I mention, she loved. She’s not a ger whu loves easily, maybe the devil robbed her of the gift that God has bestow her from young. She no longer haf the power to love, but the past remained. The past is now whu she is. Without the past, she will haf no one to love. That is becoz she love the since she was a child, when she was God-like, before the devil, the stealer of light came and took away her gift one night.
She got over it, she cried.. unknowingly to these two ppl that everyone word sliced her heart, mock at her stupidness and clumsiness. But she cant fergets, she feels inferior. She feels defeated. They apologise of coz, but the damage was done.
+ [CyNz] remember agains + 9:22 AM
