[ +a dReaM, a mYtH, a BeliEf+ ]

[ The Memories ]

+February 2005+
+March 2005+
+April 2005+
+May 2005+
+June 2005+
+July 2005+
+August 2005+
+September 2005+
+October 2005+
+November 2005+
+December 2005+
+January 2006+
+February 2006+
+April 2006+
+May 2006+
+June 2006+
+July 2006+
+August 2006+
+November 2006+
+January 2007+
+February 2007+
+June 2007+
+February 2008+
+May 2008+
+October 2008+

Monday, May 29, 2006

http://web.tickle.com/tests/goddess_identity/index.jsp

Cynz, you're Pixie!
Like most beautiful, mischievous Pixies, you really like to have fun. And you don't just think about the good times, you actually go out and make them happen. You have bundles of positive energy to spend on friends and family — something you always do with your personal sense of flair.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 12:34 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

http://web.tickle.com/tests/innercompass/index.jsp

Cynz, your best adventures are Outdoor Outings

You're geared up and ready to conquer the great outdoors! Snow-capped mountains, deep blue lakes, and evergreen forests — these are the places your heart wants to be. Sure, you can appreciate a nice dinner out, but nothing beats the view you can savor from the top of a mountain.Walking in the woods or simply hanging out in your backyard, as long as there's fresh air and the wind in your hair, you're in paradise. So grab the sunscreen and get outside! For a nature lover like you, the sky truly is the limit.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 8:26 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

more survey

Cynz, the emoticon that represents you best is the Winking Face
Well, hello there (wink, wink). Aren't you quite the flirt? Maybe you reserve your talents to the online realm where you can be somewhat anonymous and sly.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/kiss/index.jsp

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 7:54 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

that's me?

Cynz, you're 14% masculine

This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.You're also 86% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat less masculine than other women.But what is gender identity exactly? A person's gender identity is defined by the extent to which they see themselves as masculine or feminine. Every person possesses both masculine and feminine qualities to some degree, however the extent to which each person has these qualities differs widely. While you were taking the test, we calculated your scores in 6 areas typically defined as masculine and 6 areas typically defined as feminine.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/genderidentity/index.jsp

Cynz, your signature color is Sterling Blue
You've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not afraid to use it. Serious, intellectual types like you meet their match with a cool color that sparkles with the same striking intelligence as you do. That's why Sterling Blue is the ideal match for you! This is not to say that you've always got your head in a book. Not by any stretch. While you may not be the person at the party kicking off the karaoke, you're probably the one starting up stimulating conversations and making your cohorts chuckle with your quick wit.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/signaturecolor/index.jsp

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 10:34 PM

Friday, May 19, 2006

rabbit

http://www.usbridalguide.com/special/chinesehoroscopes/Rabbit.htm

THE FIRE RABBIT 1927 AND 1987
Fire adds an unspoken magnetism and mystery to the Rabbit. These creatures have a burning desire to get out there and live life to its fullest. They are active and adventurous and love anything that sparks their creativity or curiosity. They can throw tantrums here and there, if provoked, but most of the time they work very hard to avoid conflict or unpleasant confrontations. Fire Rabbits are charming and tend to push their emotions into the backs of their minds, but will speak up if necessary.

RABBITS MAKE EXCELLENT:
Therapists
Psychiatrists
Doctors
Ophthalmologists
Writers
Masseurs
Teachers
Publishers
Designers
Actors
Musicians
Administrators
PR agents
Fashion designers

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 7:52 AM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

the lush of my forest

my forest grows. every morning, the world of green shimmers and shines with morning dew. the rustle of leaves heard as the ancient ones stretches lazily. the branches moves ever so slightly to shelter the children of the greens.

the ancient protects, provide, feeds and comfort the young nubile ones. the leaves form the protection of the penetrating harsh sun, the fruits are ever sweet and juicy, the grassbed soft.

'who are these creatures?' they whispered. they are no one but us, ghost of the remains of our ancestors, seekin refuge, seekin protection and the most vital gems that will substain us, and that, is love...

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 8:37 AM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

http://web.tickle.com/tests/secret/index.jsp

Cynz, you keep secrets about your Love Life

Way to keep 'em wondering! When it comes to affairs of the heart, your lips stay sealed. Whether you've had your share of heartache or done the heartbreaking yourself, you know that not much good comes from kissing and telling.You're a passionate person who takes relationships to heart. While some people dish up intimate details of their love lives around the water cooler, you've got more respect for your sweethearts than to reduce them to email fodder. If your name happens to circulate through the rumor mill, it's only because you're so mysterious. Who says romance is dead?

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 7:31 PM

http://web.tickle.com/dog/index.jsp

Cynz, you're a Pug!
No bones about it, you're an intelligent, playful Pug. Witty and charming, you're a lot of dog wrapped in a small package. People just love you — a wonderful approachability and sense of humor put you at the top of everyone's list.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 7:29 PM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

i am PINK gRapEfrUit?

Mmm ... pink grapefruit! Sweet and tart at the same time, you're bursting with sun-kissed goodness. If you were a song, you'd be "Wake up Boo!" by the Boo Radleys. You’d tell everyone that it’s a beautiful morning. That's not to say that you don't have an edge -- quite the contrary. In fact, a little bit of sugar (aka gifts, praise, and other goodies) can always help bring out your naturally sweet flavour. But when it comes down to it, you prefer friends who can match you in strength and independence. Luckily, that kind of attitude is appealing, so you always have them wanting more. Citrusy, tangy, and a little exotic, you're a truly tasty treat.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 8:30 AM

Monday, May 01, 2006

forewarn

u may read my blog, but pls dun question or asked abt my secrets. im alive, i deal wit harsh lives. this normally means im okie. at least, at the current moment.

dun ask

juz dun ask

thank u

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 9:28 AM

empty words, empty dreams

Father

In the word family, it means Father And Mother I Love You.

Father
They are the pillar of strength
The shepherd
The laughter and joy
The stern and masculine
The king

I love my father. I haf not came from a simple and expressive family. I did not lived together with my parents and siblings from young like my brother and sister did. I was the youngest.

I was young once, but my childhood was stolen from me. They ripped it away from me. It wasn’t a pain that was constant and slow, but a wound bleedin and gaping wide. I was left with two choices, to face it or not at all.

When I was six going to seven, they make me choose, to be wit my parents or not. I didn’t choose the latter. I was young and naïve. I noe tat I should haf a mama n papa in my life.

The choice I made I didn’t regret. For my family is some place I belong, n I nv had a prob fitting inside the picture. But some one tell me pls, y don’t I fit in the picture anymore?

My brother left me, emotionally and mentally, there is a wound unmend, till this v day. I rem the days when I feel hurt and cry, some one will hug me, rock me to sleep, y doesn’t this happens anymore?

Y is my father so cold to me? Y do I feel awkward in this place which offers me the security and protection for so long. Y do I feel the pain and sadness that leers at me from every corner? Everyone is so depressed, so lost in the own world, of bills and relationship, love and sickness. Love and concern doesn’t fit well anymore in their hearts? Or in my heart ?

He can shout at me, scream at me, beat me, or slap me. But I dun understand why he banish me into the realm of non-existence. I do wish to noe the reasons.. y? izzit becoz u dun like me anymore? I wonder if father can detest their daughter. Do I remind u of something so sick and digustin that tokin to me absolutely demote ur morale and firm standin in life? Do u look at me and wonders ‘how did I even came across the idea of havin u?’ am I a life size evidence of ur past failure?

Y? I need to noe the reason. I will take a plier, pry open ur mind, dig hard n harder til I find the ans. But my heart dun wish to noe the ans, of im juz afraid, that the v truth im seekin for will not set me free.

Yes, I feel hurt, inferior and worsen den a scum. I look at u wit defiant eyes and asked u ‘y did u even have me when u cannot take care of me?’ yes, I blame u, for not being strong enough for me to lean on, of not being there when I wan u too, for not noticing im sick , for not carin, for not being able to support me financially. U are the source of failure which I am todae. u left me, even since u locked urself in ur closet. The place where I could not reach into anymore.. ever since u lost me as a child in ur eyes.

God, I cant stop hurtin.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 9:24 AM

tale of a empty heart

In this small tiny weeny world.. There are lots of diff kinds of ppl. Some choose the path of light, to open up their heart to the world of strangers, to feel thoroughly the hurt and pain, to experience the worlf of heartaches and joy. They are brave ppl. There are also cowards ard too.. ppl that closed up their heart so tight and refuse any form of love or hate. They lived the constant lives of no ups and no downs.

While some, are juz not satisfied wit the two choices, the took up the third.. to steal joy away from others, so that their lives are more fulfilling, more wonderful and they happily dwell in this so called ‘decepti0n’.

I shan’t name the ppl.. those were the ones I cared deeply for and still do. In fact, I dun blame them, but I juz cant get over the hurt and pain that would not allow the flowing tears on my cheeks to stop..

Im a ger.. Im strong but not thick skinned. Im independent but I need ppl. Im happy but also easily hurt. I forgive but I cant forget. This is whu I am,.. I cannot help it.

Imagine this scenario, two person u really cared abt whom do not really noe eacxh other starts becoming best friend. They shared a bond building common topic. And of coz, that is “U”. u cannot escape of the teasing, makin joke out of ur own expense. One of them did it to make herself feel better, superior, devoidin u of the right to joy u have and the other, tryin so hard to make an impression. They said I look fat and old. Let me remind u.. im a ger..

It wasn’t one sentence, or one single attempt, not even only on one occasion. It was constant and always.. without fail. If the two parties is both gers, maybe I wun take it so strongly, but one of them is a guy. What will a ger feel? If the guy is someone she cared abt ? someone whose always there when in need, a shoulder to cry on, someone whom she will so anything for him to stay friends wit him, even letting down her strong wall of pride and apologise when necessary. He was part of the pillar of her strength, he can take credit fer whu she is todae.

And another, a ger, close as sisters. she loved her, in her own way, maybe she was nv expressive, she tinks fer her, she cared and as I mention, she loved. She’s not a ger whu loves easily, maybe the devil robbed her of the gift that God has bestow her from young. She no longer haf the power to love, but the past remained. The past is now whu she is. Without the past, she will haf no one to love. That is becoz she love the since she was a child, when she was God-like, before the devil, the stealer of light came and took away her gift one night.

She got over it, she cried.. unknowingly to these two ppl that everyone word sliced her heart, mock at her stupidness and clumsiness. But she cant fergets, she feels inferior. She feels defeated. They apologise of coz, but the damage was done.

+ [CyNz] remember agains + 9:22 AM